A day we knew we’d never see is upon us. You’d be lying if you say you knew the Hawks were going to win that game in Minnesota as you saw Blair Walsh line up for that field goal. I was watching the game in a packed Dino’s Pub down in Renton and as that kick sailed wide, I can only describe it as spontaneous combustion. I’m honestly surprised there wasn’t seismic activity reported on Sunday afternoon as I’m sure that scene was repeated at countless places around the Seattle area.
All that’s great, but to paraphrase Bill Belichick, we’re on to Carolina. Someone check. I know that with all these teams moving around there might be some re-alignment, but did Carolina somehow get moved into our division? I swear we’ve played them more times in the last 5 years than we have Arizona. It’s almost starting to feel like that old Niners-Cowboys playoff rivalry, with the exception that the rest of the nation doesn’t hate these two teams as much. Well, not yet anyway. For the playoffs, we dip back into the classics. Let’s get ready for Sunday morning through the hijinks of Bushwood Country Club and Caddyshack.
“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” I can’t be sure, but I could swear I heard someone yell that at Dino’s after Walsh’s kick hooked like my drive does off the tee. I couldn’t help but think that the legend of the golden horseshoe had been revived in one of the most improbable ways. What’s the golden horseshoe you ask? I wrote a missive about that a couple years back. Go ahead, take a look. I’ll wait. http://12thmanrising.com/2013/10/29/legend-golden-horseshoe/ There’s no doubt in my mind that Pete shined that thing up and had it with him on the sideline in Minneapolis.
“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.” The Hawks yet again get an up close and personal look at Cam Newton. Once you get past the weird ears and fake smile, you realize he’s just a preening douchebag. Do any of you remember a number of years back when George Teague leveled Terrell Owens after he yet again celebrated a touchdown by standing on the Cowboys star at midfield, arms outstretched? Yeah, that’s along the lines of what I want to see from Michael Bennett if Newton pulls out that candy-ass, look-at-me, 20-second windup, first down celebration. Granted, it might be best to save that for when the Hawks are up 3 touchdowns, but I’d still like to see it.
“Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?” Judge Smails didn’t do that for his wife and I’m guessing someone didn’t do it for Marshawn last week either. That has to be the explanation why he didn’t even make the trip, right? You practice all week. There are pictures of you shooting hoops on Friday. Your coach says you’re going to play. Your agent waited until Saturday to say you tweaked something. Other Seahawks trip over themselves telling people how great a teammate Marshawn is. Great teammates at least get on the plane even if they know they’re not going to play. Nobody was expecting you to stand around in -6 degree weather on the sideline. We know Marshawn has the skills to sit in a suite to watch the game. It’s one of those things where I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
“I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.” I know we’re not allowed to criticize Darrell Bevell anymore because we had a stretch of 6 weeks where the offense was good, but watching that game on Sunday, it felt like he was trying to outsmart himself. I know Minnesota’s defense was better than they were on Dec. 6th and it was historically cold, but that game plan was the Tom Flores play-not-to-lose mantra and a repeat performance this Sunday ain’t gonna cut it. A plan like the Arizona game at the end of the year would be a touch more palatable, eh?
‘Remember Danny, two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.” The Seahawk receiving corps gets yet another look at Josh Norman, chief instigator of the MMA fight we saw a few weeks ago, also known as the Giants-Panthers game. Josh unseated Richard Sherman in the 1st team All-Pro honors this year and if there’s one thing we know about the Seahawks, they can turn anything into motivation. The catch is that once you get past Josh, that secondary is pretty average. The Saints and Falcons have recently proved they can be exploited. Thus the imploring of Darrell Bevell to re-institute the game plan that produced that 6 game winning streak.
“In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir gopher’.” And in the immortal words of HAWKSFN, au revoir panther. Ok, I know most of you don’t speak French. Sorry about that. To put it in terms that Seahawks fans are more familiar with, BYE FELICIA!!!
Seahawks 31, Panthers 20