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An offseason rain-fueled rant against the Mariners

4/4/2012

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It's the triumphant return of the blog, even if it's not Seahawks related.  I've had all-out rants before, but never did I think that my vitriol would be aimed squarely at my first love, the Mariners.  Sure, I've always loved the Seahawks, but I grew up playing baseball and many a good time were spent with my two grandpas at M's games when I was younger.  So it is with a bit of a heavy heart and a fire in my gut that I feel it's time to unload on the latest ass-clown move coming from the management currently disgracing their position between Edgar Martinez Dr. and Dave Niehaus Way. 

As I'm sure you're all aware by now, there's a movement underway to build an arena in SODO, just south of the Safeco Field garage.  Ideally, this would house a returning Sonics team as well as a potential NHL team, and would potentially create an amazing entertainment district that could rival any other city in the country.  The Mariners response?  An open letter complaining there might be too much traffic and parking would be an issue so we shouldn't do it.  Where'd I put my tiny violin?  Oh here it is, but I can't find the bow.  Oh, Howard Lincoln's using it as the stick up his ass right now.  Ok, deep breath.  Here's why this is ridiculous.

First, it's disingenuous.  The real reason the M's don't want this arena in SODO is because they're afraid it's going to cut into their bottom line.  News flash Mariners, it's your piss-poor product the last 10 years that's cutting into your bottom line!!  I will grant you that you have the right to be scared that corporate sponsorships and suite sales will drop.  That tends to happen when you give those corporations no good reason to stay.  On top of that, we know that any further development down there that includes fun things like bars or restaurants will cause you an apoplectic hissy fit.  We know all you care about is that we're inside the stadium to buy your overpriced food and beer so you over the years have done everything possible to make sure that the zoning is such down there that Pyramid's the only place to get a beer and you know we won't do that when it's raining or cold.  Yeah, we're on to your game. 

Second, renters don't get to bitch.  We the taxpayers built you that stadium that you currently can't fill unless it's a weekend where the fake Red Sox fans come down from the Issaquah Plateau.  We own it (ok, the PFD owns it, but the first word in that acronym is Public).  If we the people (through the City/County Councils) say an arena's ok to build, you get to sit there, shut up, and take it.  Just as if you rent an apartment and the new guy down the hall cooks curry every night, there's nothing you can do about it.  It sucks if your friends don't want to come over anymore, but it's on you to make peace with the guy and teach him how to cook a baked potato once in a while. 

Third, someone obviously failed math.  Granted, given the contracts you idiots gave to people like Chone Figgins and Jeff Cirillo, it's glaringly apparent you're not good with numbers.  Let me help.  You're concerned about how many people will be in the area on those nights where events overlap.  Ok, let's look at this.  Mariners, unless you fall ass backwards into a playoff run, we really only have to worry about April and maybe May.  As we all know, if you're putting 18,000 into your seats in April or May, it must be bobblehead night.  Let's just say that the Sonics are playing the Lakers down the street with another 19,000 folks in attendance.  So, you've got 37,000 people divided into 2 arenas which will probably let out at different times.  News flash morons, that's a Sounders game with the crowd in 2 separate places!!  Second news flash, that's half of a damned Seahawks game!!  If memory serves, we're able to clear the area out after Seahawks games in less than an hour. It could be even quicker if the Seattle PD would employ a traffic engineer, but that's a different rant for a different day.

In closing, forgive me but I'm going to channel The Rock for a minute.  Howard Lincoln, take your little letter you wrote to the mayor and the councils, roll it up real tight, turn that sonofabitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!! 
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