If for no other reason than it's kind of fun to see if a yahoo like myself can do better than the "professionals", I'll start running a picks column on Friday just in case we have anyone heading to Nevada and they feel the need to make a bet.  For our purposes here, we're using the lines from USA Today.  Home teams are in bold:

Tampa Bay +2.5 vs. San Francisco: Ok, the team that occupies America's Crappiest Stadium can't keep this up, can they?  The team with the Creamsicle uniforms should be able to waltz into Candlestick and take advantage of that secondary. 

Oakland +6 vs. Houston: While this Houston team looks like it's for real, Matt Schaub's going to miss his #1 target in Andre Johnson.  Plus, that Oakland team has been frisky lately in the O.co stadium (at least that what I think they're calling it this week). 

New England -9.5 vs. New York Jets: This seems like a huge line for divisional game with two teams that made the playoffs last year.  However, Tom Brady does not lose games at home during the regular season.  On top of that, the Jets are a mess offensively right now.  Rex Ryan's foot fetish comes into play as he gets a swift boot in the ass from Bill Belichick. 

San Diego -4 vs. Denver: Ok Chargers, September's over and it's time to start dominating.  I realize the handicap that is Norv Turner never makes this assured, but you should be able to go into Denver and win handily. 

New Orleans -6.5 vs. Carolina: Assuming there isn't a repeat monsoon in Charlotte like there was a couple weeks ago, the Saints should be able to light up the scoreboard against the young Panthers secondary.  If nothing else, force Cam Newton to throw the ball a bunch.  He's 0-3 so far this year when throwing for more than 300 yards.  Maybe Tracy Porter can get himself a TAINT (Touchdown After INTerception) and wipe that fake smile off of Newton's face.

Minnesota -3 vs. Arizona:  I have a reciprocal fan-ship with the Vikings.  I have friends who live in Minneapolis and we have a deal that they root for the Hawks if I root for the Vikes.  I've got a sneaking suspicion that the Vikes will remember that the game's 60 minutes this week, not just 30, and will get their first win of the year.  Kevin Kolb has proved shaky on the road lately, further proving my suspicion before the season that he wasn't worth what the Cards paid.

Green Bay -5.5 vs. Atlanta: A re-match of the divisional playoffs last year.  Normally a home team with revenge on its mind would be the play, but that would require being a halfway decent team, which Atlanta does not look like right now.  If Tarvaris Jackson can shred you like he did last week, you know Aaron Rodgers will have a field day.

Jacksonville -1.5 vs. Cincinnati: Every week has a couple of these games where they're only going to be on within a 50-mile radius of the 2 cities.  Given the choice, the RedZone channel would rather go to a commercial (even though they don't have them) than show this game.  But at least we get to see 2 of the QB's who were drafted last year who won't last 3 years in this league.  So, that should be fun. 

Buffalo +3 vs. Philadelphia:  Every once in a while, Vegas bestows a gift.  So let me get this straight, you're giving me 3 points with Buffalo when they're playing a team that got beat by the 49ers at home last week?  And Buffalo's at home?  In the words of Elmer Fudd, be vewy, vewy, quiet when you go up to the betting window, I'm hunting for winners. 

Pittsburgh -3.5 vs. Tennessee: As hot as Matt Hasselbeck's been the last few weeks, this week he goes up against his Lex Luther.  Pittsburgh has owned him and they're not a happy bunch with how they've played lately.  You know Omar Epps...oh excuse me, Mike Tomlin will have that team ready to go.  

Kansas City +1.5 vs. Indianapolis: Our 2nd game of the week that will be seen by exacly 1.25% of the country (that's right, I went to the 2nd decimal place).  Todd Haley's coaching for his job and I thought I saw Indy dragging Jeff George out of the retirement home to play for them this week.  Wait, what's that?  They hired a painter to play QB?  Well, six of one, half-dozen of the other.

Detroit -5.5 vs. Chicago: Cue Hank Williams Jr....oh wait.  Too soon?  It's Monday Night Football in Detroit for the first time in 47 years.  Ok, maybe only 39.  But it's nice to see Detroit with some success lately.  The Tigers take down the Evil Empire last night and the Lions are finally looking like they want to join the rest of the league.  Should be a fun game and anytime you can get an even more pouty look on Jay Cutler's face, it's good times for everyone.

New York Giants -10 vs. Seattle: Isn't it always special when you're the biggest underdog on the board for the week?  Normally, that would mean you have the chance to tick off Vegas the most.  But these are the Seahawks and it's an early east coast game.  Maybe the Hawks keep it close running the no-huddle offense and putting some points on the board.  But ultimately, that will backfire since our defense will get tired and Eli Manning will throw wounded ducks that cause pass interference penalties.  Ugh. 

-Mark

We continue our previews through the prism of the Naked Gun series this week.  But before that, a couple thoughts on random items.  First off, the Huskies look like they're for real.  Not only did they beat a team on the road where they were 10-point underdogs, they absolutely outclassed Utah.  That looming showdown against Oregon the first Saturday in November looks for the first time in years like it might actually be competitive.  Second, I would like to thank the annoying Fremont frat boy crowd for not making their annual trip to Leavenworth Oktoberfest this year.  Or if you did, thanks for being in disguise.  For the first time in years, there weren't half-hour beer lines on Saturday night and you could actually get in a decent polka without someone taking up half the dance floor showing off their swing dancing moves that went out of style 10 years ago.  Also on that topic, a big thumbs down to Gustav's in Leavenworth.  They've got the only rooftop deck in town and they had it "closed" on Saturday for rain even though it wasn't raining and there was a group of about 10 people up there.  When I asked about that they just shrugged and said it's closed.  If there's a group you don't want to piss off, it's the 11-year veterans of Oktoberfest who once we started telling people about it, they had to add 2 extra weekends to deal with the crowds.  In any case, on to the preview of the Hawks making their trip to the swamps of New Jersey.

"What's that smell? Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!"  Sorry, couldn't resist.  It's the swamps of Jersey and even though it's the New Meadowlands, it's still a Superfund cleanup site.  Add to that, it's filled with whiny Giants fans who couldn't possibly believe we make that much noise in Seahawks Stadium without having it piped in as well.   

"I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens."  It's an east coast, 10am pacific start time game this week, and I think we all know what that means.  If gambling were legal, or if you're going to be in Vegas this weekend, might not hurt to put down a shekel or two on the Giants, even if they are 10-point favorites.   

"Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?"  To Aaron Curry.  In case nobody told you, having your little Twitter tantrums does not make people forget how much of a disappointment you've been thus far in your Seahawks career.  We don't want to hear that you're at peace with the decision that you'll be a backup linebacker now.  We want to hear that you're going to do everything to get back into the starting lineup. 

"This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!"  Whichever way you want to do this Hawks, just remember, no-huddle offense to be run, Eli Manning to be knocked into next week.  Let's just hope that our coaching staff hasn't forgotten what was successful last week. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honored for his 1000th drug-dealer killed. [to applause] Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers."  To Tarvaris Jackson and also to Matt Hasselbeck.  To T-Jack, it fits with the bomb he threw to Sidney Rice last week after the Flacons gave up when they were offsides.  If we can trick the Giants into that this week, you better take advantage again.  To Matthew, talk about backing yourself into a great position.  You've got an offensive line that can block and receivers that actually catch the ball.  Unfortunately, someone backed over Kenny Britt with their proverbial car so you'll have to find this year's Joe Jurevicius to keep up this hot streak. 

"The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!"  The truth unfortunately is that for whatever reason, this team cannot win these early games on the east coast.  It doesn't matter the personnel or the coaching staff.  Yes, it hurts just about as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing.  It hurts more when you watch a crap team like the Niners go into Philly last week and win an early game.  Come on Hawks, give your fans something to get excited about.  Give us that unexpected win that so often turns into more unexpected wins because of the confidence it breeds. 

Well, I find myself torn.  On the one hand, there's no such thing as a moral victory and the end result is this team's 1-3.  We should be able to expect wins in this town and I think we are too quick to rationalize and make excuses.  On the other hand, you definitely saw growth in the 2nd half of yesterday's game.  The past few years, a Seahawk team that's down 24-7 at halftime would have lost the game 42-10.  Coming back the way they did was encouraging, but at the same time, that game was there for the taking and we couldn't make that final step.  Let's review the game through the eyes of The Naked Gun:

"It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day."  It did feel like the same old story at times yesterday.  Then just as boy remembers girl, the Seahawks shoot themselves in the foot by not being able to get the ball back and then having things like false start penalties when you're marching for the game-winning field goal.   

"It's fourth and fifteen and you're looking at a full-court press."  While I'm sure Pete knows he was coaching football yesterday, the 61-yard field goal makes you pause and wonder.  Yes, it was 4th & 8 with 13 seconds left.  But you had a timeout and wide receivers (particularly Baldwin) who had a knack for getting open yesterday.  You have to give your kicker at least a semi-reasonable chance to kick a game winner.  

"Interesting... almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today. I was young! I needed the work!"  Well, watching that game in the 2nd half, you have to think the Hawks have stumbled upon something with the no-huddle offense.  They were able to move the ball fairly easily.  Jackson was making reads much more quickly.  It was obvious Atlanta's defense was sucking wind.  Of course, it's a double-edged sword since it runs the risk of putting your defense back out on the field more quickly if you're not able to put together long drives.  I'd love to see them introduce the no-huddle on the first drive in New York this week to see if that can prevent the flat start we always see with these east coast games.

"Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?"  Interestingly, Atlanta's defenders started coming down with injuries when Seattle's no-huddle offense was breaking off chunks of yardage.  While I applaud the NFL trying to put a stop to that, it's going to be all but impossible to enforce during a game, short of the atrocious acting job the Giants did a few weeks ago. 

"Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!"  Hey look, Tarvaris Jackson had 300+ yards and 3 TD's!!  While nobody's going to mistake Jackson for world-renowned quarterbacks like Brees, Manning, or Brady, that was an impressive game from Jackson yesterday.  Granted, it helped that his offensive line had a great game and gave him some time.  But it's nice to see him get some confidence, and that may well help down the road.

"Nice beaver! Thank you. I just had it stuffed."  When you first saw this movie, that immediately became one of the most potentially exciting lines.  But, just like the Hawks in the 2nd half, the promise was never fulfilled.  However, that was not because of the 12th Man.  The crowd came to play, particularly in the 2nd half.  That was good to see as in the previous week against Arizona, there was a subdued nature to the crowd.

Speaking of the 12th Man, while I don't have a problem per se with Jason Terry raising the flag yesterday, could we not get a hold of guys like Nate Robinson, Jon Brockman, or Brandon Roy?  Like Terry, it's not like they're working right now.  I'd rather have someone who maybe actually played here either in college or professionally.  So, note to the Seahawks PR staff, there are still plenty of guys out there who have not raised the flag and will put the crowd into a frenzy leading up to kickoff.  Along those lines, a memo to Pete Carroll.  If you win the coin toss, there is zero reason to take the ball first.  Your crowd is jacked up and loud and you're going to voluntarily go on offense first?  Why take the air out of the crowd like that?  Time for the conversation with Mitch Levy that he's had with your two predecessors.