First, let's address the seemingly endless problem this team has had this year, penalties. Some wise person (oh wait, that was me) mentioned recently that these penalties would eventually result in losses. Little did I realize that premonition would come true so quickly. Yet again, we see a complete and utter lack of discipline on both sides of the ball at the most inopportune times. Penalties that allowed the Redskins to keep drives going. Penalties that killed Seahawks drives, which at this point is any 5-yard penalty since the offense isn't good enough to overcome that hurdle.
Second, I'm sick and tired of the excuse that this team just needs a quarterback and every conceivable ill would be instantly solved. Really? If, let's just say, Mark Sanchez were the QB of this team (thanks Tim Ruskell), would Mike Williams, Doug Baldwin, and Zach Miller not have dropped passes on Sunday? If Sanchez were under center, would that have prevented our secondary from standing with their thumbs up their butts in the middle of the field, guarding no one mind you, while you let Rex F'ing Grossman throw a 50-yard bomb to beat you??!! I'm not a Tarvaris fan, per se, but he is by no means the one glaring deficiency on this team. If nothing else, we should applaud his toughness for continuing to play through a torn pec muscle and sparing Seahawk Nation the joy of having to watch Chaz Whitehurst the rest of the season.
Ok, maybe the emotion from Sunday hasn't completely subsided. Let's keep this train going with a review of the game through the 3 modes of transportation that John Candy and Steve Martin enjoyed all those many years ago.
"You shared a motel room with a complete stranger? Are you crazy? Not yet. But I'm getting there.": You expected the Seahawks to keep up the momentum after nice wins against Baltimore and St. Louis? You thought they might actually be able to beat the Redskins in the friendly confines of Seahawks Stadium? Are you crazy? I'm not sure I can even say not yet at this point. I think I'm there. The inconsistency is so maddening and I'm so tired of hearing how young this team is as the excuse. How long have these guys been playing football? Were they playing Arena Football where you can move forward before the snap?
"If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them?": If Pom Pom Pete tells you that these guys continue to learn "stuff", are you believing him? What are they learning? Please, rather than talking in incoherent platitudes for the 8th week in a row, please tell us what they're learning. At this point, all I'm seeing that they're learning is that there are absolutely no consequences for continuing to make the same mistakes repeatedly. It was very telling earlier today in Pete's press conference when he back-tracked on how he was going to bench some of the guys who keep committing dumb penalties. He realized (and he actually said this) that he doesn't have 100+ guys to choose from anymore. He only has 45. It was like when Obama said he'd been campaigning in 57 states. You initially think he's joking and it just fell flat, but then there's a growing part of you that wonders if he really was joking or if he's that dumb.
"If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?": Mike Williams, you may want to quit Twitter since you pretty much fail Twitter at every turn. When you tweet right after the game 'Yea, I had bad game tday.. Left 2 big catches out there.. I'll be back Thurs night tho' that would make the reader think you've actually had a good game at some point this year. All I've seen is that you've found the Pizza Hut again (no offense to Pizza Hut) and you obviously forgot the napkins since you can't seem to catch anything thrown in between the 1 and the 7 on your jersey.
"Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual. Unique... what's that, Latin for "asshole"?": Tarvaris Jackson, do you know what 4th down means? Do you know that when you take a sack on 4th down, the other team gets the ball? Do you know when you take said sack on 4th down and you have 1 timeout left and there's less than 3 minutes to go in the game, you have essentially zero possibility of winning the game? I realize your receivers may not have been open by 5 yards, but you still have to thrown the damn ball!!
"[on tequila and Doritos] What do you think? You think this is a good combination?": Thankfully our tailgate has better options than that on a given Sunday morning, but I can't guarantee what dinner consisted of on Sunday night after getting home from that debacle.
"Do you have seventeen dollars and a good watch? No I don't. I have uh... two dollars... and a Casio.": Pete Carroll, would you take either of those as compensation for termination of your contract? I hate the idea of a new coaching staff and having to wait more years for a system to be in place that will actually produce wins. I really wanted to be wrong when I said I was giving up my season tickets (I rescinded that later) when I found out you were going to be our next coach. But it is painfully obvious that in a league where the rules are slanted heavily towards the offense, you can't come up with an effective offense or hire anyone who can. It's obvious you have no ability to effectively discipline your team or hire anyone on your coaching staff who can. I'm tired of the incoherent, babbling, platitude-filled press conferences. I'm tired of investing thousands of dollars and numerous hours on tickets, tailgating, watching the games, planning weekends around the games, etc. only to be somewhere between bitterly disappointed and mildly shocked (but knowing disappointment will come next week). In the words of a great man who will get a much more focused column later this year, "HALLELUJAH! HOLY SH*T! Where's the Tylenol?"