Anyway, the Seahawks make yet another trip to Chicago this Sunday, their 3rd in the last 14 months. They meet a team who last week was the latest victim of Tebowmania. Granted, when you have a running back forget basic rules of time management that tends to help your cause, but I digress. Since it's Chicago and it's one of my favorite movies and we're a week plus from Christmas, let's prognosticate on the game via the Griswold family.
"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.": Seahawks, you have the opportunity to leave the Bears for dead as far as the playoffs are concerned this week. They're not winning the division, they're already behind the Lions, and with a win this week, that'll make one more team they lose the tiebreaker to. Plus, you'd be doing the nation a favor by not having to subject us to the Pouty Jay Cutler's return in the playoffs and having the media talk nonstop about his thumb.
"Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?": Sam Hurd only wishes that were his biggest problem right now. For all we know, he may already be engaged to his cellmate. This brain surgeon tries to set up a buy for 5-10 kilos of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana to be sent to him each week so he can improve his distribution network. Whoops, maybe shouldn't have tried to buy it from an undercover cop. Hurd, as you probably don't remember, was a Cowboy at one time. Hmmm...Hurd, Nate Newton, Michael Irvin. Any chance we can get Jerry Jones indicted on being an accessory and then we don't have to see his ugly mug 18 different times during the course of a Cowboys game?
"You surprised to see us, Clark? Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.": Ok, show of hands, who's just a little surprised that Pom-Pom Pete has been able to guide this team to victory 4 of the last 5 games? Yes, my hand is certainly up. Even more impressive is how they've been able to get that running game going like it hasn't gone since 2005, especially with 3 of the starting offensive lineman on injured reserve. Sure, the schedule's been a little easier, but as we all know, the Hawks have had no problems over the years playing down to their competition.
"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...": Couldn't decide if this fits Brian Urlacher or Mike Martz better. On the one hand, Urlacher's pretty much the dictionary definition of a sore loser after losing to Tebowmania last week. But on the other hand, Mike Martz has been emptying his particular brand of sewage into the Chicago offense for a few years. 7 step drops and 30 yard passes may have worked in St. Louis, but Soldier Field, not so much. Plus, when you have no blocking scheme for the time it takes for those plays, you end up permanently imprinting the sour look on Jay Cutler's face.
"Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show you.": Hey Bears, bend over because Beast Mode is coming to town. If he made Baltimore look silly, think what he'll be able to do to you. He's bringing his big tree and his bags of Skittles, so you best be prepared.
"Our holidays were always such a mess. Oh, yeah. How'd you get through it? I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.": Hopefully the only Jack Daniels consumed this weekend will be out of celebration and not mourning. The Hawks have momentum. They are coming together as a team, particularly on the defense. The running game is finally back to where it should be. The playoffs are within our sights. It's another week for absolute irrational exuberance. C'mon Hawks. I need this win to be able to convince the family that I need to be at the 49ers game on Christmas Eve.
Seahawks 20, Bears 13