Now, it's off to the dirty, dirty south. It's off to visit Matty Ice (who has the dumbest nickname since he's never won a playoff game) and the Falcons in the Dome. Let's get jacked up and preview through the tomfoolery of south central LA in Friday.
"Give me the two piece special. Lots of hotsauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.": And now we go to Atlanta, home of Chick-Fil-A. Mmmmm.....Chick-Fil-A. I can almost taste the breakfast chicken biscuit. Sorry, I digress. The nice thing is that we won't have those turf problems in the Georgia Dome. We get to play on the fast track this wek. This just feels like it's tailor made for Leon Washington to have a couple big returns.
"Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.": Tony Gonzalez will be all hopped up on Geritol and try to finally break through that glass ceiling that is his first playoff victory. How is it possible that a guy who has been this good for this long has gone without a playoff victory in his career? Oh, that's right he's played for Kansas City and Atlanta his entire career. But, even though he's probably replacing the tennis balls on his walker this week, he's still dangerous enough to cause the Hawks some problems. A Vernon Davis-level hit from Kam Chancellor will be necessary early to set the tone.
"Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game. What do you know about game? I got ALL the game.": Sorry Matt Ryan, but Momma Jones was right. You have no game. You have fewer playoff victories than Bubby Brister, Rodney Peete, Steve DeBerg, Steve Bartkowski, Erik Kramer, Tommy Maddox, Vinny Testaverde and Douchebag Harbaugh Style. You deserve no nickname and you certainly don't deserve one that implies your clutch under pressure. Even your nickname's namesake Natty Ice is less shitty than you are in the playoffs.
"Smokey, get me some cigarettes. Well, give me some money. [Smokey's mom gives Smokey a dollar] Wait, this isn't enough. Make it enough.": Gus Bradley, you have your work cut out for you this week. FedEx Field took out one of your big assets in Chris Clemmons and now you're going to have to "make it enough" with the rest of the defense. And this week, you're not going up against Moss and Garcon. Juliio Jones and Roddy White welcome you into the Georgia Dome and you're going to have to scheme like you've never schemed before for those 2.
"No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.": Atlanta, you can pass the ball, but can't defend the pass. You can convert long 3rd downs, but can't convert short 3rd downs. You can get #1 seeds, but can't make it past your first playoff game. And apparently you can have sports radio hosts who have the stones to make fun of Seattle fans while you still have 6,000 tickets available for Sunday's game. This same dumbass thinks the Mariners left town in addition to the Sonics. Granted, with their lack of success I can see why you might think that, but I can guarantee if the M's ever get decent again, there won't be 10,000 unsold tickets for a playoff game like a certain tomahawk chopping bunch.
"I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.": If only I had mind control through the tv into the Fox booth. Now, when you think of big time football games, what kind of commentating team comes to mind? Summerall/Madden, Jackson/Fouts, Michaels/Collinsworth, hell even Buck/Aikman. So, who does Fox trot out on Sunday as their supposed #2 announcing team (with Buck/Aikman in SF)? Thom Brenneman and Brian Billick. Seriously??!! Did Kenny Albert get caught cross-dressing like his dad and we missed it? What's just so great about this is you have a guy who spells his name Thom, pronounces it "Tom", has done numerous Hawks games over the years, and will still call Gus Bradley "Gus Williams" at least once on Sunday.
"I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure.": If you didn't know any better, you'd swear Richard Sherman said that instead of Mr. Jones. But if this doesn't describe the Hawks mindset all year, and particularly the last half of the season, I don't know what does. This isn't your Mike Holmgren-coached team that specialized in nice guys who could usually play. This isn't Jim Mora's wet dream of a team, packed with dirtbags. This is very much a Pete Carroll USC team. They're better than you, they know it, and they're going to physically remind you of it on each and every play. Which brings us to....
"Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a f**k.": A wise scribe who wears a Mack Strong jersey to the games predicted this team to go 11-5 this year (go back and read the season preview, I'll wait....). They said I was a rose colored glasses wearing homer who was more wishing than actually predicting. So, when I say this feels like a team of destiny, you may want to pay attention. All the pieces are coming together at the right time. These guys have a swagger and a confidence I've never seen in a Seattle team. They've broken the curse of the road playoff streak. They have this city on its ear. I can only imagine what it will be like if there's an NFC Championship to be talked about next week. If there was ever a time, let's jump aboard the Dare To Dream Express.
Seahawks 28, Falcons 21