"Good morning, dickhead. Hello, moron.": Is it just me, or do you picture that's how the greeting goes down there at Renton between Tarvaris Jackson and Mike Williams? Along the lines of "if a tree falls in a forest", if both Asomugha and Rodgers-Cromartie are out (and it appears they are for tonight) will Mike Williams still fail to get open? C'mon Big Mike, show us there's still a reason for you to be on this team next year.
"If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.": Andy Reid hopefully isn't doing any nude scenes, but I would most definitely advise him to save his millions. I have a sneaking suspicion he may not be getting a paycheck from the Eagles next year. Speaking of Reid, don't you have to worry about his health at this point? The guy can't get through answering a question at a press conference without laboring for a breath. Maybe the best thing for him is for the Eagles to fire him so he can quit working 100-hour weeks and spend some time at a health spa.
"When I had an ulcer, I was farting razor blades.": I wonder if good old Ron Mexico got treated for that as well. There is a part of me that is disappointed the Dog Fighter won't be playing tonight. Back when he came here when he was playing for the Falcons, I remember a chant in the men's bathroom that arose. "Vick has herpes..clap..clap....clap clap clap". Can't remember who started it. Oh wait, that was me.
"Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr! Oh, shut up, fatass!": At least it won't be raining tonight. But it will be a bit on the nipply side. So for those of you joining us at Seahawks Stadium tonight, best to find yourselves some long johns or your favorite Cousin Eddie hat. Perhaps a flask of bourbon tucked strategically so the Fun Police That Serve No Purpose Other Than To Create Another Line To Stand In don't find it wouldn't be a bad idea either.
"Hey dickhead you win the lottery?": As Seahawks fans, I think we won the opposite of the lottery with our December schedule. 2 straight opportunities for the nation to watch our display of suck, both of which are during the week so we have to deal with things like the 7th Circle of Hell traffic. A Christmas Eve game which unnecessarily creates family conflicts at a time of year where you sneeze too hard and the family's pissed at you. The only nice thing about the Seahawks record this year will be it guarantees no national games next year. We'll go back to the glory days of 8 Sunday games at 1:00 which allow for full tailgating.
"Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.": Vince Young, you paying attention? We're ready for your particular brand of suck. The defense should be fired up after that pathetic performance last week in the 4th quarter. Don't think you're just waltzing in here and pulling out a victory. When there's a better draft pick on the line, that's when the Seahawks pull out their A-game. It's just our luck.
Seahawks 28, Eagles 10