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Happy Gilmore Preview - Week 16

12/22/2011

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The past couple weeks have brought up memories of the 1990's for me as far as the Seahawks are concerned.  As many of you will remember, we had many years during that decade where we had a maximum of 9 wins and had to watch and see if enough other teams were going to lose and vault us into the playoffs.  Ultimately, the stars would not align and we were left disappointed and bitter, thinking back to the 2-3 plays that could have changed the season and got us into the playoffs.  Well, here we are again.  We're putting our playoff hopes in the hands of Norv Turner, praying he can find a way to beat Detroit.  That's a scary place to be.  Quick plea to the folks who run Seahawks Stadium.  We can do without the helmet shuffle.  We can do without the grand prix.  If you truly appreciate your fans, you'll show updates from Detroit at every tv timeout. 

Anyway, on to the preview as the hated 49ers make their annual trek up the coast in a rare Christmas Eve tilt.  Sure it's Christmas, but many of the lines of Happy Gilmore just seemed to fit better this week. 

"Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.": 49er fans, take the hint.  We're so tired of having to deal with you.  If it isn't the asinine "Niiiiiiiiiiinerrrrssssss" chant, it's the fact that you think your team is so great since it won a Super Bowl 17 years ago.  Congratulations on that.  Maybe Steve Young can pull out another one for you this year....oh wait.  If anyone needed further proof as to why I call that craphole in San Francisco America's Crappiest Stadium, look no further than Monday night.  2 power outages that suspiciously happen on national tv.  Hmmm....wonder if that might have been a ploy to get that new stadium built in Santa Clara.  The York's aren't that slimy are they....oh wait. 

"I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass!": Calm down Jim Harbaugh.  We know you and Pom Pom Pete have had your spats in the past, but I dare you to try that handshake you gave Schwartz in Detroit with Pete.  You'll probably wind up with the number 31 permanently imprinted on your chest.   

"Happy learned how to putt! Uh-oh!": The Seahawks learned how to play defense and cover kicks since week 1.  Uh-oh.  Alex Smith best put on his running shoes since Chris Clemmons will be coming around the corner all day.  Alex, we'd appreciate it if you'd do your best Caleb Hanie impression and bestow another gift upon Red Bryant.  He kind of enjoyed taking it to the house last week. 

"Doin' the Bull Dance. Feelin' the flow. Workin' it. Workin' it.": We all know Marshawn Lynch has had some entertaining end zone antics (the crotch-grab against the Saints comes to mind).  Interestingly, the Niners haven't allowed a rushing touchdown this season.  I'm thinking Marshawn knows this and when he does run in for a touchdown (and he will) he may have something special for the fans.  The Bull Dance would be nice,  but it's not a necessity. 

"During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.": Seahawks secondary, as far as I'm concerned, feel free to take off your cleat and try and stab Vernon Davis and/or Michael Crabtree.  Just don't get caught because we don't need those penalty yards against us.   

"Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. It's like a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow.": I think that's a direct quote from Pete Carroll's halftime speech last week in Chicago.  Whatever you have to do to put together a performance like that is fine with me.  C'mon Hawks, let's harness that good energy.  The 12th Man will do its part without question, you just have to do yours. 

"The price is wrong, bitch.": Oh Vegas, you're wrong yet again.  Granted, I know you set lines based on how the money's coming in, but having the Niners as a favorite in a stadium where they've had very little success is a recipe for a bad bookie Christmas.   The Seahawks win this game, helping to keep their playoff hopes alive, crush the Niners hopes for a 1st round bye, and set up the very real possibility that we do this all over again in 2 weeks down in America's Crappiest Stadium.

Seahawks 31, 49ers 20





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