Preseason: We see our old AFC West brethren for 3 of the 4 preseason games again this year. Peyton Manning and his red forehead invade Seahawks Stadium on Saturday night Aug. 17th. Oh, by the way, we will have the tailgate up and going for that game should you feel the need for Saturday afternoon tomfoolery and ballyhoo. For the 38th straight year, the Hawks end the "pay full price even though it's garbage football" part of their schedule with the Raiders. At least the schedule makers were nice enough to have it on a Thursday night at 7 as opposed to the seventh circle of hell traffic known as the Friday before Labor Day.
Week 2 vs. San Francisco: I'd say cue Faith Hill, but she quit that job. Sunday Night Football kicks off the season at Seahawks Stadium. I absolutely wanted the Niners for our home opener and NBC put the cherry on top making it the prime time game. The Great Gazoo (you all remember the martian from the Flintstones) brings the Super Bowl losers up the coast. Don't believe me? See the pictures below. The tailgate will be in full force that day. Be sure to stop by. And be sure to stop by afterwards when we're celebrating yet another ass whipping of the 49ers and go to 2-0.
Week 4 at Houston: Big test on the road against a team that is definitely in the playoff conversation. This actually is a noon central time start and that's just not good. I see a stumble in Houston and the Hawks go to 3-1.
Week 5 at Indy: The #1 draft pick against arguably the best draft pick from last year. Russell and the Feisty Blue Jackals head to the Hoosier state. The Colts walked the tightrope in a lot of their games last year and won more close ones than they probably should have. Plus, they had the emotional boost from ChuckStrong. I feel good about the Hawks going in and getting a win to go to 4-1.
Week 6 vs. Tennessee: Jake Locker makes his first appearance back in his home state. Surprisingly, his subpar accuracy in college didn't get any better once he got to the pros. He'll know what to expect from the 12th Man, but that doesn't mean he can handle it. We frolic out of Seahawks Stadium with a team that's 5-1.
Week 7 at Arizona: While the NFL scheduling gurus didn't give us a break on the early east coast games, at least they didn't give us a Thursday night game at home, saving all Hawks fans from the stress of getting downtown by 5:00. The Hawks make their way to the desert for a prime time tilt. I went to the Cards' website and even they don't know who their quarterback is. We know Kevin Kolb's not around anymore to screw us with a late drive, so the Hawks chalk up another one to go to 6-1.
Week 8 at St. Louis: Cue Hank Williams Jr!! What's that? He was fired 2 years ago? Oh. The geniuses at ESPN picked this game again apparently to let Mike Tirico babble like an incoherent moron. At least there won't be any geography lessons about how close St. Louis is to Canada. This feels like a trap game. The Hawks haven't played all that well in the Gateway City the past few years and you know Jeff Fisher will have a few more tricks up his sleeve. I'm thinking the Hawks come home at 6-2. Not a bad 1st half of the year.
Week 9 vs. Tampa: The Fighting Creamsicles make their way cross-country for the Seahawks to feast upon. Greg Schiano brings his talents from Rutgers. Rutgers? Really? That's the school I think of when you want to get your next head coach from college. Not Alabama. Not Florida. Not USC. Rutgers. The Hawks dispatch the Bucs with extreme predjudice and go to 7-2.
Week 10 at Atlanta: A return to the dirty, dirty south. A return to the scene of the crime known as the 2012 Divisional Playoffs. You know the Hawks have circled this one on the calendar as they want to redeem themselves from the piss poor 1st half performance and the squandering of the game once they got the lead. I think they get it done and go to 8-2.
Week 11 vs. Minnesota: The Seahawks farm team comes to town. We graciously thank them for Darrell Bevell, Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin, their athletic trainers, their recipe for funeral hot dish casserole, and giving us Tarvaris Jackson so we'd draft Russell Wilson. Christian Ponder proves once again that unless Adrian Peterson gets 350 yards, he can't get them to a win. The Hawks are firmly in the drivers seat at 9-2. Just fyi, this will be the Thanksgiving Feast Sunday in Hawk Alley because....
Week 12 BYE: The latest bye you can have and it happens to be the weekend of Thanksgiving. And husbands grumble everywhere as they lose the excuse to watch football all weekend.
Week 13 vs. Saints: ESPN might actually talk about this game as it's on Monday night and it's a re-match of the infamous Beast Mode playoff game. Sean Payton, now having paid his penance, is back at the helm and you know he's looking for redemption. Sorry Sean, not going to happen. The Hawks have the best record on MNF for a reason, propelling them to 10-2.
Week 14 at San Francisco: The river of human debris known as Niner fans get a look at the Hawks for the last time in America's Crappiest Stadium. This could very well be for the division. I just hope the Hawks have a big enough lead at this point, because the Niners are all but unbeatable under Douchebag Harbaugh Style at home. A slight hiccup and the Hawks are at 10-3.
Week 15 at New York Giants: Maybe the first of 2 visits to MetLife Stadium this year? As great as the Hawks are at home, the Giants are that terrible at home. The Hawks go back there and get themselves back on track to go to 11-3.
Week 16 vs. Arizona: By now, I think Charlie Frye's probably at quarterback for Arizona. Larry Fitzgerald is in a coma after being led over the middle one too many times, and the Seahawks have yet another field day when the Cardinals visit and get to 12-3.
Week 17 vs. St. Louis: For the 3rd year in a row, the Lambs visit Seattle to end the year. It's worked out pretty well before and it works out just fine this year too. The Hawks finish 13-3 which I'd really like to think wins this division and at the very least the #2 seed in the playoffs which we desperately need.