"I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime. Most of these guys never had a prime......This guy here is dead! Cross him off, then!" I'm picturing this conversation happening in the production meetings with the crew from Fox for this game. Speaking of which, there may be a time this week where the last 3 coaches for the Hawks could be in the same room for these meetings since Jim Mora's doing color commentary. You've got Holmgren who was pushed out so Mora could take over. Then Mora's sitting next to the guy who was interviewing f0r his job while he was giving his end of the year press conference. Screw the Harbaugh-Schwartz non-fight. Get cameras in that room.
"Just a reminder, fans, comin' up is our "Die-hard Night" here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant." Wouldn't be too far-fetched to change Indians to Browns in that sentence since their last title was in 1964. We think we have it bad in Seattle watching the horse crap our teams put out every year, but Cleveland definitely gives us a run for our money in the Most Depressing Sports City competition.
"Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater." Thankfully 2 weeks ago, Darrell Bevell remembered the success the no-huddle offense had and crammed it down the Giants throats. When you stumble upon the 101 mph fastball that people can't hit, keep throwing it. Yes, there's a possibility you may knock somebody's head off or hit them in the junk, but you have to take that chance.
"I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays. Well it all depends on how good you are. How good are you? I make the league minimum." Like Jake Taylor who was worth way more than the league minimum, Doug Baldwin continues to be showing he's worth so much more than he's being paid. An undrafted rookie out of Stanford, he leads the team in receptions, is tied for the lead in touchdowns, and his play has resulted in 17 first downs.
"So, here is Rick Vaughn, the one they call the "Wild Thing". So, he sets and deals. Juuuust a bit outside, he tried for the corner and missed.....Ball 4.....Ball 8." Thankfully it looked in New York like Charlie Whitehurst has ended his impression of Rick Vaughn and was actually able to connect with his receivers. Good thing too, since more than likely he's starting this game. Carroll won't come out and just say Tarvaris is missing this game, but that group over there is doing their best Patriot impersonation and not telling anybody anything regarding injuries.
"I thought you said you didn't have any high-priced talent on this team. I forgot about Dorn because he's only high-priced." Aimed right at you Aaron Curry. Have fun with the epitome of dysfunction they call the Raiders. Happy to see you tweeting all the time about how much film study you've done. Come to think of it, you always talked about how much film you watched here and we all know how that turned out. Word of advice, make sure you save that money the Hawks are overpaying you this year. You may not get a second contract.
"Monty, anything to add? Ummm... no. He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!" Jim Mora, take the hint. You couldn't evaluate talent when you were here. I seriously doubt that's improved since you became an "analyst".
"Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill." Even though it's very bad to steal Jobu's rum, I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing while watching two of the league's more historically downtrodden franchises battle it out. I'll just need to keep an eye out in my living room for bats that are hurdling through the air.
"All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big sh*tburger to eat!" Ok Hawks, you've effectively taken yourself out of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. So, while there's no need to make a Paul Allen cardboard cut out and start peeling off pieces of clothing, let's get this win and then come home at .5o0.
Prediction: Seahawks 24, Browns 20