"What's that smell? Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!" Sorry, couldn't resist. It's the swamps of Jersey and even though it's the New Meadowlands, it's still a Superfund cleanup site. Add to that, it's filled with whiny Giants fans who couldn't possibly believe we make that much noise in Seahawks Stadium without having it piped in as well.
"I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens." It's an east coast, 10am pacific start time game this week, and I think we all know what that means. If gambling were legal, or if you're going to be in Vegas this weekend, might not hurt to put down a shekel or two on the Giants, even if they are 10-point favorites.
"Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?" To Aaron Curry. In case nobody told you, having your little Twitter tantrums does not make people forget how much of a disappointment you've been thus far in your Seahawks career. We don't want to hear that you're at peace with the decision that you'll be a backup linebacker now. We want to hear that you're going to do everything to get back into the starting lineup.
"This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!" Whichever way you want to do this Hawks, just remember, no-huddle offense to be run, Eli Manning to be knocked into next week. Let's just hope that our coaching staff hasn't forgotten what was successful last week.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honored for his 1000th drug-dealer killed. [to applause] Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers." To Tarvaris Jackson and also to Matt Hasselbeck. To T-Jack, it fits with the bomb he threw to Sidney Rice last week after the Flacons gave up when they were offsides. If we can trick the Giants into that this week, you better take advantage again. To Matthew, talk about backing yourself into a great position. You've got an offensive line that can block and receivers that actually catch the ball. Unfortunately, someone backed over Kenny Britt with their proverbial car so you'll have to find this year's Joe Jurevicius to keep up this hot streak.
"The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!" The truth unfortunately is that for whatever reason, this team cannot win these early games on the east coast. It doesn't matter the personnel or the coaching staff. Yes, it hurts just about as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing. It hurts more when you watch a crap team like the Niners go into Philly last week and win an early game. Come on Hawks, give your fans something to get excited about. Give us that unexpected win that so often turns into more unexpected wins because of the confidence it breeds.