Tampa Bay +2.5 vs. San Francisco: Ok, the team that occupies America's Crappiest Stadium can't keep this up, can they? The team with the Creamsicle uniforms should be able to waltz into Candlestick and take advantage of that secondary.
Oakland +6 vs. Houston: While this Houston team looks like it's for real, Matt Schaub's going to miss his #1 target in Andre Johnson. Plus, that Oakland team has been frisky lately in the O.co stadium (at least that what I think they're calling it this week).
New England -9.5 vs. New York Jets: This seems like a huge line for divisional game with two teams that made the playoffs last year. However, Tom Brady does not lose games at home during the regular season. On top of that, the Jets are a mess offensively right now. Rex Ryan's foot fetish comes into play as he gets a swift boot in the ass from Bill Belichick.
San Diego -4 vs. Denver: Ok Chargers, September's over and it's time to start dominating. I realize the handicap that is Norv Turner never makes this assured, but you should be able to go into Denver and win handily.
New Orleans -6.5 vs. Carolina: Assuming there isn't a repeat monsoon in Charlotte like there was a couple weeks ago, the Saints should be able to light up the scoreboard against the young Panthers secondary. If nothing else, force Cam Newton to throw the ball a bunch. He's 0-3 so far this year when throwing for more than 300 yards. Maybe Tracy Porter can get himself a TAINT (Touchdown After INTerception) and wipe that fake smile off of Newton's face.
Minnesota -3 vs. Arizona: I have a reciprocal fan-ship with the Vikings. I have friends who live in Minneapolis and we have a deal that they root for the Hawks if I root for the Vikes. I've got a sneaking suspicion that the Vikes will remember that the game's 60 minutes this week, not just 30, and will get their first win of the year. Kevin Kolb has proved shaky on the road lately, further proving my suspicion before the season that he wasn't worth what the Cards paid.
Green Bay -5.5 vs. Atlanta: A re-match of the divisional playoffs last year. Normally a home team with revenge on its mind would be the play, but that would require being a halfway decent team, which Atlanta does not look like right now. If Tarvaris Jackson can shred you like he did last week, you know Aaron Rodgers will have a field day.
Jacksonville -1.5 vs. Cincinnati: Every week has a couple of these games where they're only going to be on within a 50-mile radius of the 2 cities. Given the choice, the RedZone channel would rather go to a commercial (even though they don't have them) than show this game. But at least we get to see 2 of the QB's who were drafted last year who won't last 3 years in this league. So, that should be fun.
Buffalo +3 vs. Philadelphia: Every once in a while, Vegas bestows a gift. So let me get this straight, you're giving me 3 points with Buffalo when they're playing a team that got beat by the 49ers at home last week? And Buffalo's at home? In the words of Elmer Fudd, be vewy, vewy, quiet when you go up to the betting window, I'm hunting for winners.
Pittsburgh -3.5 vs. Tennessee: As hot as Matt Hasselbeck's been the last few weeks, this week he goes up against his Lex Luther. Pittsburgh has owned him and they're not a happy bunch with how they've played lately. You know Omar Epps...oh excuse me, Mike Tomlin will have that team ready to go.
Kansas City +1.5 vs. Indianapolis: Our 2nd game of the week that will be seen by exacly 1.25% of the country (that's right, I went to the 2nd decimal place). Todd Haley's coaching for his job and I thought I saw Indy dragging Jeff George out of the retirement home to play for them this week. Wait, what's that? They hired a painter to play QB? Well, six of one, half-dozen of the other.
Detroit -5.5 vs. Chicago: Cue Hank Williams Jr....oh wait. Too soon? It's Monday Night Football in Detroit for the first time in 47 years. Ok, maybe only 39. But it's nice to see Detroit with some success lately. The Tigers take down the Evil Empire last night and the Lions are finally looking like they want to join the rest of the league. Should be a fun game and anytime you can get an even more pouty look on Jay Cutler's face, it's good times for everyone.
New York Giants -10 vs. Seattle: Isn't it always special when you're the biggest underdog on the board for the week? Normally, that would mean you have the chance to tick off Vegas the most. But these are the Seahawks and it's an early east coast game. Maybe the Hawks keep it close running the no-huddle offense and putting some points on the board. But ultimately, that will backfire since our defense will get tired and Eli Manning will throw wounded ducks that cause pass interference penalties. Ugh.