Ok, it's the triumphant return of the Friday picks column. Let's see if we can't get back to the plus side and make a little money for those who may be winging on down to Vegas this weekend.
OAKLAND -7.5 vs. Denver: TebowMania invades the Black Hole. Although the mania's a little subdued after that Whitehurst-esque performance Tebow trotted out there last week at home against the Lions. Speaking of the Lions, if they can have a guaranteed home game every Thanksgiving, why can't the Raiders be guaranteed to have a home game the Sunday closest to Halloween? Granted, every home game there's a little like Halloween, but you know the Black Hole goes all out when the actual holiday rolls around.
BUFFALO -1.5 vs. NY Jets: After their non-home game, home game in Toronto last week, the Bills actually return home to Rich Stadium (I won't call it Ralph Wilson Stadium, who names a stadium after themselves?) to take on Rex Ryan's foot fetish and the Jets. Mark Sanchez is going through a Sam Bradford-like regression. This team is ugly when it's on offense. Sorry to my friend Shani who's a huge Jets fan, but Fred Jackson runs all over the defense and Buffalo wins.
Cincinnati +3 at TENNESSEE: Beware the rookie ginger QB. Andy Dalton looked pretty good up here in Seattle last weekend. Their backup RB looked pretty good as well against the best rush defense in the NFL (on a ypc basis). I think this Bengals team is smelling a wild card and they need this win to keep themselves in the hunt.
NEW ORLEANS -8.5 vs. Tampa Bay: Thanks a lot New Orleans. Why did you have to go and give hope to St. Louis last weekend through that putrid performance you put out there? Did someone forget to remind you that you couldn't take any of those 62 points you laid on Indy the previous week and transfer them over? However, the Saints are back in the cozy confines of the Dome against a Tampa team that seems to be slipping.
ARIZONA vs. St Louis (under 41). Changing it up a little bit here and going with the under. This is one of those games that'll be seen by 0.78% of the country and Fox may not even send a guy to do color commentary. On top of that, there's a possibility we may have a pillow fight between AJ Feely and Max Hall. If the Browns-Seahawks game set football back 5 years, this game may set it back another 5.
NY Giants +9.5 at NEW ENGLAND: Yes, the Pats are at home and yes the Giants needed a late TD to prevent being the Dolphins first victory last week. But, the Pats defense is awful and the Giants know their division is there for the taking. Plus, there may be a little distraction in the Pats locker room after one of their backup WR's was charged with giving a gal The Shocker in a Boston bar last week. Hey Edelman, if you need to do stuff like that, call up Gronkowski and get him to introduce you to his new adult movie actress friend.
KANSAS CITY -4 vs. Miami: It's one of our Elmer Fudd games. Be vewy, vewy quiet. Vegas got all hot and bothered over Miami almost pulling one out in New York last week. But this Kansas City team is on a 4-game win streak right now and tied atop the division. The tailgating gets kicked up another notch this week and the Chiefs keep on rolling.
Green Bay -5.5 at SAN DIEGO: Good grief Philip Rivers looks awful this year. In the words of Ron Burgundy, "this is bush, this is bush league!!" How do you fumble like that when you're easily in game-winning field goal range? Plus, as Bill Simmons will tell you from experience, Norv Turner's one of those guys that will never hit 16 vs. a face card in blackjack. Those kinds of guys aren't winners. As much as I enjoy Mitch's drunken show when the last undefeated team goes down, it won't be this week.
PITTSBURGH -3 vs. Baltimore: Our second Elmer Fudd game this week. You know Pittsburgh is looking for payback after the 34-3 drubbing Baltimore put on them to open the year. Plus, Baltimore's been shaky (and that's been kind) lately. The Terrible Towels won't be stomped on this week and Pittsburgh wins by at least 10.
WASHINGTON +3.5 vs. San Francisco: You mean to tell me the Whiners are going to go to the eastern time zone 4 times this year and win all 4 games? Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I have to believe they'll remember they're the Niners eventually. You know what, friendly piece of advice. Don't bet on this game. You're either betting that an NFC West team wins on the east coast or you're betting money on Rex Grossman and/or John Beck. If you want your stomach in your throat, go on one of the rides at the top of the Stratosphere.
HOUSTON -10.5 vs. Cleveland: They're getting Andre Johnson back and that's enough for me. Our friends from the tailgating championship will have a lot to celebrate on Sunday afternoon.
INDIANAPOLIS +7 vs. Atlanta: Eventually this cruel joke has to end doesn't it? There's no way the Colts should get to go from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck, right? Atlanta's a fraction of what they were last year and maybe the Painter the Colts hired actually gets something done on Sunday.
Chicago +7.5 at PHILADELPHIA: It's Monday Night Football from the city where they have to have a jail in the stadium to deal with those classy Eagles fans. I think we see again where Vegas got all hot and bothered over the Eagles big win last Sunday night against Dallas and made this spread a bit too big. Chicago's coming off a bye after their week in London and they'll be ready to go. Might not win, but should keep it close.
DALLAS -11.5 vs. Seattle: Hmmm....you know, it's the 2nd time this year the Hawks have been the biggest underdog on the board and the last time that happened they made ourselves at home in the Meadowlands. Could it happen again? Nope. Pom-Pom Pete will sit there with that blank expression on his face with Paul Silvi Sunday night and try to explain in
OAKLAND -7.5 vs. Denver: TebowMania invades the Black Hole. Although the mania's a little subdued after that Whitehurst-esque performance Tebow trotted out there last week at home against the Lions. Speaking of the Lions, if they can have a guaranteed home game every Thanksgiving, why can't the Raiders be guaranteed to have a home game the Sunday closest to Halloween? Granted, every home game there's a little like Halloween, but you know the Black Hole goes all out when the actual holiday rolls around.
BUFFALO -1.5 vs. NY Jets: After their non-home game, home game in Toronto last week, the Bills actually return home to Rich Stadium (I won't call it Ralph Wilson Stadium, who names a stadium after themselves?) to take on Rex Ryan's foot fetish and the Jets. Mark Sanchez is going through a Sam Bradford-like regression. This team is ugly when it's on offense. Sorry to my friend Shani who's a huge Jets fan, but Fred Jackson runs all over the defense and Buffalo wins.
Cincinnati +3 at TENNESSEE: Beware the rookie ginger QB. Andy Dalton looked pretty good up here in Seattle last weekend. Their backup RB looked pretty good as well against the best rush defense in the NFL (on a ypc basis). I think this Bengals team is smelling a wild card and they need this win to keep themselves in the hunt.
NEW ORLEANS -8.5 vs. Tampa Bay: Thanks a lot New Orleans. Why did you have to go and give hope to St. Louis last weekend through that putrid performance you put out there? Did someone forget to remind you that you couldn't take any of those 62 points you laid on Indy the previous week and transfer them over? However, the Saints are back in the cozy confines of the Dome against a Tampa team that seems to be slipping.
ARIZONA vs. St Louis (under 41). Changing it up a little bit here and going with the under. This is one of those games that'll be seen by 0.78% of the country and Fox may not even send a guy to do color commentary. On top of that, there's a possibility we may have a pillow fight between AJ Feely and Max Hall. If the Browns-Seahawks game set football back 5 years, this game may set it back another 5.
NY Giants +9.5 at NEW ENGLAND: Yes, the Pats are at home and yes the Giants needed a late TD to prevent being the Dolphins first victory last week. But, the Pats defense is awful and the Giants know their division is there for the taking. Plus, there may be a little distraction in the Pats locker room after one of their backup WR's was charged with giving a gal The Shocker in a Boston bar last week. Hey Edelman, if you need to do stuff like that, call up Gronkowski and get him to introduce you to his new adult movie actress friend.
KANSAS CITY -4 vs. Miami: It's one of our Elmer Fudd games. Be vewy, vewy quiet. Vegas got all hot and bothered over Miami almost pulling one out in New York last week. But this Kansas City team is on a 4-game win streak right now and tied atop the division. The tailgating gets kicked up another notch this week and the Chiefs keep on rolling.
Green Bay -5.5 at SAN DIEGO: Good grief Philip Rivers looks awful this year. In the words of Ron Burgundy, "this is bush, this is bush league!!" How do you fumble like that when you're easily in game-winning field goal range? Plus, as Bill Simmons will tell you from experience, Norv Turner's one of those guys that will never hit 16 vs. a face card in blackjack. Those kinds of guys aren't winners. As much as I enjoy Mitch's drunken show when the last undefeated team goes down, it won't be this week.
PITTSBURGH -3 vs. Baltimore: Our second Elmer Fudd game this week. You know Pittsburgh is looking for payback after the 34-3 drubbing Baltimore put on them to open the year. Plus, Baltimore's been shaky (and that's been kind) lately. The Terrible Towels won't be stomped on this week and Pittsburgh wins by at least 10.
WASHINGTON +3.5 vs. San Francisco: You mean to tell me the Whiners are going to go to the eastern time zone 4 times this year and win all 4 games? Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I have to believe they'll remember they're the Niners eventually. You know what, friendly piece of advice. Don't bet on this game. You're either betting that an NFC West team wins on the east coast or you're betting money on Rex Grossman and/or John Beck. If you want your stomach in your throat, go on one of the rides at the top of the Stratosphere.
HOUSTON -10.5 vs. Cleveland: They're getting Andre Johnson back and that's enough for me. Our friends from the tailgating championship will have a lot to celebrate on Sunday afternoon.
INDIANAPOLIS +7 vs. Atlanta: Eventually this cruel joke has to end doesn't it? There's no way the Colts should get to go from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck, right? Atlanta's a fraction of what they were last year and maybe the Painter the Colts hired actually gets something done on Sunday.
Chicago +7.5 at PHILADELPHIA: It's Monday Night Football from the city where they have to have a jail in the stadium to deal with those classy Eagles fans. I think we see again where Vegas got all hot and bothered over the Eagles big win last Sunday night against Dallas and made this spread a bit too big. Chicago's coming off a bye after their week in London and they'll be ready to go. Might not win, but should keep it close.
DALLAS -11.5 vs. Seattle: Hmmm....you know, it's the 2nd time this year the Hawks have been the biggest underdog on the board and the last time that happened they made ourselves at home in the Meadowlands. Could it happen again? Nope. Pom-Pom Pete will sit there with that blank expression on his face with Paul Silvi Sunday night and try to explain in
