After 7 long months, we finally have a football game that counts tonight!! If you listen closely, you may be able to hear Al Michaels warming up his voice. "Unique New York. Unique New York." "The human torch was denied a bank loan." The resting place of Jimmy Hoffa gets the honor of kicking off the season tonight as Tony Romo and his game killing interceptions come calling. Maybe Miss Missouri taught him how to read a Tampa-2 defense on their honeymoon. I digress though. This is a Seahawks blog. Nobody gives a rat's ass about the Cowboys. In part one today, let's gaze into the crystal ball and see how the first half of the season shakes out.
Week 1 at Arizona
We kick off the year down in the desert at the Big Toaster. While the Seahawks had the QB competition between a couple of guys who looked like either one would be a decent choice, the Cardinals were not so lucky. Their choices of a crap sandwich or a bag of rocks is probably leaving Cards fans a little less than enthused. At least for this week, John Skelton will trot out there and due to the problems with their offensive line, probably have his skeleton (see what I did there) crushed by Chris Clemmons. This game feels like the Seahawks win it based solely on their defense as the rookie QB gets his sea legs underneath him. I'll put together the full preview on Friday.
Tony Romo comes back to his house of horrors from January 2007. You wonder if he still hears Jordan Babineaux's footsteps in his nightmares. It's too bad Bill Parcells and his man boobs won't be here to re-live the joy of that day. The big question for that game is will Dez Bryant be able to stay out of the many fine gentlemens clubs our town has to offer (removing tongue from cheek now). The term dumpster fire comes to mind with that guy. Anyway, the Seahawks will triumphantly raise the 4th retired jersey to the rafters that day as they honor Cortez Kennedy. The Hawks should be able to get enough energy out of the home crowd and go to 2-0.
Week 3 home vs. Green Bay
Cue Hank Williams Jr.....wait, still too soon? Screw it, we're making the joke. Sometimes you wish Hank's rowdy friends had a ball gag with them and knew how to use it. The Packers come to town for Monday Night Football. You know what that means. That blowhard Mike Tirico and his ESPN pals descend upon our fair city. Since it's the Packers and not the Rams this time around, the game might get about 45 minutes of the 2 hour pregame show. Granted, the Seahawks will get about 5 minutes of the 45, but what do we expect? Someone buy Jon Gruden a map so he knows when they go to Detroit they're actually closer to Canada than they are when they're here. Even though the Seahawks have the league's best winning % on MNF, I just don't know that they're able to pull this one out.
Week 4 at St. Louis
I'm not sure which is the more sterile environment. The Edward Jones Dome or the operating room where I had my brain surgery a few weeks back. Jeff Fisher is the latest victim to lead this pack of lambs into battle. Steven Jackson's aging and I don't think he can be the workhorse he once was. Sam Bradford still has nobody to throw to and I'm not sure he could get it there accurately if he did. The Hawks continue to enjoy their success in the Gateway City and move their record to 3-1.
Week 5 at Carolina
The Seahawks make the trek east to the stadium that apparently our President is afraid he can't fill so he's cancelling his speech there tomorrow night. Cam Newton, his fake smile, his weird ears, and his stupid Superman celebration welcome the Hawks to Charlotte. The NFL in all its graciousness has made this a 4pm local time game so hopefully there's not a repeat of the game the Hawks played there last time which rivaled the game the Hawks played in Cleveland last year. This seems to me to be a bellwether game. If the Hawks can win this game, it's the sign of a good year coming. Lose it, and it will seem like we're right back to where we've been the last few seasons. Oh hell, let's climb aboard the Dare To Dream Express early and call this a win to go to 4-1.
Week 6 home vs. New England
Bill Belichick and his merry band of cheaters come all the way west for a mid-October tilt at Seahawks Stadium. You wonder what this will do to Tom Brady's hair since we tend to have a little bit of humidity around here come that time of year. It's a shame that our old friend Deion Branch won't be making the trip this time, having been cut earlier this week. I guess we'll have to save that vitriol for someone else. In addition to Aaron Rodgers a couple weeks earlier, this will be a big test for our vaunted secondary. Even more so, this will be a test to see if our linebackers can deal with that two-headed monster they've got at tight end. I've got a sinking feeling we walk out of this game disappointed.
Week 7 at San Francisco
The yearly jaunt down to America's Crappiest Stadium, filled with America's Biggest Asshat Fans. This year it's on a Thursday night, so with the traffic down in the Bay Area, the stadium will only be half-filled with asshats when the game kicks off. Jim Harbaugh's boys surprised everyone last year. They won't be sneaking up on anyone now. That +36 turnover margin they had last year? Don't count on that repeating itself. If betting were legal, I think you definitely go with the under on this game. Alex Smith is still Alex Smith and with the T.O.-esque cancer Randy Moss being on this team, the Whiners could implode at any time. I think the Seahawks exorcise the demon of Candlestick and get themselves a victory.
Week 8 at Detroit
The return to the scene of the crime known as Super Bowl XL. The one positive going into this game is that we know Jerome Bettis won't be involved in any way, shape, or form. Paraphrasing the words of Harry Doyle "Hey, and in case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Lions have managed to win a few here and there". Old Fudge Stafford has turned into a pretty decent quarterback. Suh, when he's not suspended, isn't half bad as a D-lineman. Unfortunately, it's the Seahawks old bugaboo 10am pacific game and against a halfway decent team, that usually spells disaster. Yes, I can hear all of you screaming right now about last year's game in New York. A blind squirrel also finds a nut on occasion. I see the Hawks losing this game and falling to 5-3 at the halfway point.
Tomorrow: Part 2 of the season preview.