- Mark - AKA @HawksFn
Writer’s block sucks. Combine it with an extraordinarily busy last week and you get the formula for why I wasn’t able to get out a Week 1 preview. But never fear, we’re back for another year with hopefully amusing previews of the upcoming Seahawks game through the majesty of movie quotes. We kick the year off with the classic from the bayous of Louisiana. Let’s see what Bobby Boucher can do to get us ready for Sunday.
“Oh no! We suck again!” I’d be lying if I said this thought didn’t cross my mind as I watched yet again the Seahawks finding a way to kick away a game in St. Louis. I swear there’s a twilight zone or Bermuda Triangle for the Seahawks in the state of Missouri. The 12’s Since 12 (copyright Seattle Sportsnet) won’t remember this, but the Seahawks could never find a way to win in Arrowhead Stadium, save for the Krieg-to-Skansi miracle in 1990. Now it seems like it’s either a massive struggle or they just outright lose every time they go to St. Louis, often times when the Rams are the vastly inferior team.
Writer’s block sucks. Combine it with an extraordinarily busy last week and you get the formula for why I wasn’t able to get out a Week 1 preview. But never fear, we’re back for another year with hopefully amusing previews of the upcoming Seahawks game through the majesty of movie quotes. We kick the year off with the classic from the bayous of Louisiana. Let’s see what Bobby Boucher can do to get us ready for Sunday.
“Oh no! We suck again!” I’d be lying if I said this thought didn’t cross my mind as I watched yet again the Seahawks finding a way to kick away a game in St. Louis. I swear there’s a twilight zone or Bermuda Triangle for the Seahawks in the state of Missouri. The 12’s Since 12 (copyright Seattle Sportsnet) won’t remember this, but the Seahawks could never find a way to win in Arrowhead Stadium, save for the Krieg-to-Skansi miracle in 1990. Now it seems like it’s either a massive struggle or they just outright lose every time they go to St. Louis, often times when the Rams are the vastly inferior team.
“Nice going, s*#thead. You lost us the football game. Sorry. Will you please still be my friend? No, get away from me.” To be honest, that conversation probably could have happened with about a dozen different people on Sunday afternoon. Dion Bailey, obviously. Kam Chancellor, for being a shithead and forcing us to go with Dion Bailey. Pete Carroll, for being hormonal again (remember that debacle against Cincy in 2011) with that disaster of an “onside-but it’s not onside-it was supposed to be a pooch to the 15-dumbass kick” to start overtime. The offensive line for that sieve-like performance that actually diminishes the important work that sieves do. Plenty of invective to be aimed at plenty of people.
“Bobby, can you do that for me every game? Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.” On the bright side, Tyler Lockett, can you do that for us every game? I’ll be honest, I was a little skeptical that he could keep up that performance from what he did in the preseason. Insurance agencies and mortgage companies are chock full of guys who were superstars in August but never could get it to translate when it counted. While obviously one game does not a career make, the possibility of the Hawks having found the next Devin Hester or Dante Hall has us just a little hot and bothered.
“Look who’s on TV, Mama…it’s the devil”. You have to forgive Green Bay fans. You know they see the Seahawks as evil incarnate. But for the first time in a while, at least this game doesn’t take place in Satan’s Den aka Seahawks Stadium. The Seahawks make their first national TV appearance of the year and they do it in a stadium where the franchise has a total of 1 win in their history. The 12’s Since 12 may not remember him, but we had a coach named Mike Holmgren a few years back. Before coming here, he actually was the head coach in Green Bay. In his return to Green Bay in 1999 as coach of the Hawks, he led the fighting birds of Renton to their only victory in the friendly confines of Lambeau Field.
“You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.” The monotonous Aaron Rodgers once again lines up against his nemesis on Sunday night. What kind of nightmares must he have when it’s “Seahawk Week”? Does the greatest F U from a Seattle team to the rest of the nation (you may hear it called the Fail Mary) cause him to wake up in a cold sweat? Does he see a never-ending loop of Brandon Bostick letting that onside kick bounce off his hands? Maybe it’s Jermaine Kearse catching that thing of beauty to send the Seahawks to Super Bowl 48 that sends him running for the bottle of Ambien. Any way you slice it, just as the Rams seem to have the Seahawks number in St Louis, you know the Seahawks are living rent-free in Aaron’s noggin.
“Let's kick some names and take some ass.” As Willy Wonka might say, flip that around, reverse it. Regardless, that’s what needed. It’s the opportunity to make amends from last week’s debacle. It’s the opportunity to continue to haunt the good cheese makers of eastern Wisconsin. It’s the opportunity to showcase to the nation that this is still the team to beat and the heavy favorite to be the NFC representative in that game in February at Mom Jeans Stadium.
“Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack.” Sorry Lawrence. Sorry about that. You’re right. Let’s be honest. We saw what happened in St. Louis with that defense against a vastly inferior offense to what they’ll see on Sunday night. Nick Foles isn’t the poor man’s Aaron Rodgers. He’s the homeless man’s Aaron Rodgers and he put up 27 points. Even sans Jordy Nelson, that Packers offense has to be salivating about going after Dion Bailey and Cary Williams. The Seahawks offense should be able put up some points, but this feels like a track meet, and Jamaica doesn’t lose to Finland in a track meet.
Packers 38, Seahawks 28
“Bobby, can you do that for me every game? Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.” On the bright side, Tyler Lockett, can you do that for us every game? I’ll be honest, I was a little skeptical that he could keep up that performance from what he did in the preseason. Insurance agencies and mortgage companies are chock full of guys who were superstars in August but never could get it to translate when it counted. While obviously one game does not a career make, the possibility of the Hawks having found the next Devin Hester or Dante Hall has us just a little hot and bothered.
“Look who’s on TV, Mama…it’s the devil”. You have to forgive Green Bay fans. You know they see the Seahawks as evil incarnate. But for the first time in a while, at least this game doesn’t take place in Satan’s Den aka Seahawks Stadium. The Seahawks make their first national TV appearance of the year and they do it in a stadium where the franchise has a total of 1 win in their history. The 12’s Since 12 may not remember him, but we had a coach named Mike Holmgren a few years back. Before coming here, he actually was the head coach in Green Bay. In his return to Green Bay in 1999 as coach of the Hawks, he led the fighting birds of Renton to their only victory in the friendly confines of Lambeau Field.
“You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.” The monotonous Aaron Rodgers once again lines up against his nemesis on Sunday night. What kind of nightmares must he have when it’s “Seahawk Week”? Does the greatest F U from a Seattle team to the rest of the nation (you may hear it called the Fail Mary) cause him to wake up in a cold sweat? Does he see a never-ending loop of Brandon Bostick letting that onside kick bounce off his hands? Maybe it’s Jermaine Kearse catching that thing of beauty to send the Seahawks to Super Bowl 48 that sends him running for the bottle of Ambien. Any way you slice it, just as the Rams seem to have the Seahawks number in St Louis, you know the Seahawks are living rent-free in Aaron’s noggin.
“Let's kick some names and take some ass.” As Willy Wonka might say, flip that around, reverse it. Regardless, that’s what needed. It’s the opportunity to make amends from last week’s debacle. It’s the opportunity to continue to haunt the good cheese makers of eastern Wisconsin. It’s the opportunity to showcase to the nation that this is still the team to beat and the heavy favorite to be the NFC representative in that game in February at Mom Jeans Stadium.
“Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack.” Sorry Lawrence. Sorry about that. You’re right. Let’s be honest. We saw what happened in St. Louis with that defense against a vastly inferior offense to what they’ll see on Sunday night. Nick Foles isn’t the poor man’s Aaron Rodgers. He’s the homeless man’s Aaron Rodgers and he put up 27 points. Even sans Jordy Nelson, that Packers offense has to be salivating about going after Dion Bailey and Cary Williams. The Seahawks offense should be able put up some points, but this feels like a track meet, and Jamaica doesn’t lose to Finland in a track meet.
Packers 38, Seahawks 28
