Well, another Seahawks season is in the books. The Hawks continue to be the team with the most finishes at 7-9, 8-8, or 9-7 since the merger. Yet another year as the epitome of mediocrity. Seems to be a pattern in this town, and not just with the Hawks, but I digress. There was definitely improvement in areas and regression in others as times. While mediocre, the Hawks were definitely not boring this year. There were surprises, both good and bad. There were days of great elation and days of great frustration. There was even a day where our coach let his hormones get in the way. Let's take a trip to Sandusky, Ohio and re-live the season through the eyes of Tommy Boy.
"What the American public doesn't know is what makes them the American public.": That's when Vegas takes advantage. Knowing nothing was expected of the Hawks, particularly with T-Jack taking the snaps, they set the over/under for wins at either 6 or 6.5. Plenty of money went on the under and Vegas laughs all the way to the bank as Brandon Browner was waltzing into the end zone in Chicago.
"What the American public doesn't know is what makes them the American public.": That's when Vegas takes advantage. Knowing nothing was expected of the Hawks, particularly with T-Jack taking the snaps, they set the over/under for wins at either 6 or 6.5. Plenty of money went on the under and Vegas laughs all the way to the bank as Brandon Browner was waltzing into the end zone in Chicago.
"Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.": And Red Bryant, we could care less. We were just happy to have you around for the whole year. Thank you for channeling your inner Joe Nash and adding kick blocking to our special teams repertoire. If you can keep up your run defense and special teams prowess, I could care less if you show up in August tipping the scale at 4 bills.
"Housekeeping, you want me fluff pillow?": I'm going with a change in hotels and housekeeping as the reason the Seahawks the finally were able to win in New York for the first time in 1983. They were the biggest underdog on the board that week. They wiped out 80% of people who participate in NFL survivor pools. We had the coming out party for Brandon Browner, who was a week away from working at Red Lobster. We also saw the beginning of what would be the greatest surprise of the year, and that's the play of Doug Baldwin.
"Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.": Unfortunately, Raheem Brock didn't receive such a kind gift during his brush with the law. He also found out that the law in this town doesn't treat him like he was apparently treated elsewhere in this country. Maybe if he had chatted with Carlos Guillen, Dennis Erickson, or hell, the guy doing color commentary in the Hawks radio booth, he would have had an insight.
"Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid? [laughs] Why?": To Mike Carey and his officiating crew in Cleveland. The call against Richard Sherman for the phantom block in the back that cost the Hawks that game was amazingly inept. Granted, it didn't help that Charles In Charge had to start that game and Marshawn had the back of a 70 year old that day. That win alone could have made the last couple games meaningful if not continue the momentum that had been gained by the win in New York the previous week.
"Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job. [the park bench collapses] Could've done without that.": Charlie, don't sit on any park benches anytime soon. You and your multi-million dollar contract are going to have to find some other front office suckers to sign you. You may also want to scale back the lifestyle since if you get more than the minimum we'll know for sure you have compromising pictures of someone.
"Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.": I choose to believe Pom Pom Pete finally went this route after the 2-6 record at the midway point of the season. Thankfully it worked as the offensive line learned how to block and Marshawn could finally find some running room. T-Jack sat up and took notice too as he had a few 300-yard games and did his part to get us back into the wild card hunt. Unfortunately...
"You have de-railed...Shut up Richard!": Jim Harbaugh and his overly aggressive handshake came to town and put an end to the Seahawks playoff hopes on Christmas Eve. Then the Hawks trick John Skelton into thinking he's a decent quarterback by letting him carve them up for a season-ending win in the desert.
"My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.": Ok, Seahawks salary cap nerds, time to earn your money. We need to keep Marshawn, Red, and The Heater. We need an upgrade at QB (maybe Matt Flynn, maybe RG3). A big-play receiver to play opposite Sidney Rice would be awfully nice. DeSean Jackson, Reggie Wayne, Vincent Jackson, and Marques Colston are all available. Pom Pom Pete and your Pint Sized Pal, get out Paul Allen's checkbook. You showed us this team has a solid foundation in terms of defense and a run game. Time to bring that offense to the next level.
"Housekeeping, you want me fluff pillow?": I'm going with a change in hotels and housekeeping as the reason the Seahawks the finally were able to win in New York for the first time in 1983. They were the biggest underdog on the board that week. They wiped out 80% of people who participate in NFL survivor pools. We had the coming out party for Brandon Browner, who was a week away from working at Red Lobster. We also saw the beginning of what would be the greatest surprise of the year, and that's the play of Doug Baldwin.
"Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.": Unfortunately, Raheem Brock didn't receive such a kind gift during his brush with the law. He also found out that the law in this town doesn't treat him like he was apparently treated elsewhere in this country. Maybe if he had chatted with Carlos Guillen, Dennis Erickson, or hell, the guy doing color commentary in the Hawks radio booth, he would have had an insight.
"Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid? [laughs] Why?": To Mike Carey and his officiating crew in Cleveland. The call against Richard Sherman for the phantom block in the back that cost the Hawks that game was amazingly inept. Granted, it didn't help that Charles In Charge had to start that game and Marshawn had the back of a 70 year old that day. That win alone could have made the last couple games meaningful if not continue the momentum that had been gained by the win in New York the previous week.
"Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job. [the park bench collapses] Could've done without that.": Charlie, don't sit on any park benches anytime soon. You and your multi-million dollar contract are going to have to find some other front office suckers to sign you. You may also want to scale back the lifestyle since if you get more than the minimum we'll know for sure you have compromising pictures of someone.
"Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.": I choose to believe Pom Pom Pete finally went this route after the 2-6 record at the midway point of the season. Thankfully it worked as the offensive line learned how to block and Marshawn could finally find some running room. T-Jack sat up and took notice too as he had a few 300-yard games and did his part to get us back into the wild card hunt. Unfortunately...
"You have de-railed...Shut up Richard!": Jim Harbaugh and his overly aggressive handshake came to town and put an end to the Seahawks playoff hopes on Christmas Eve. Then the Hawks trick John Skelton into thinking he's a decent quarterback by letting him carve them up for a season-ending win in the desert.
"My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.": Ok, Seahawks salary cap nerds, time to earn your money. We need to keep Marshawn, Red, and The Heater. We need an upgrade at QB (maybe Matt Flynn, maybe RG3). A big-play receiver to play opposite Sidney Rice would be awfully nice. DeSean Jackson, Reggie Wayne, Vincent Jackson, and Marques Colston are all available. Pom Pom Pete and your Pint Sized Pal, get out Paul Allen's checkbook. You showed us this team has a solid foundation in terms of defense and a run game. Time to bring that offense to the next level.
