Let's get down to business. There's a game to be previewed. As the Hawks head down to the desert, water will be an important component (even though they'll be playing inside). So let's head to the campus of SCLSU and get some inspiration for this Sunday's game through Waterboy.
"Bobby, can you do that for me every game? Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you." Russell Wilson, can you repeat your preseason performance every game? I think you can. Call me overly optimistic and a massive homer, but I think this kid has the "it" factor. He obviously can command a huddle. He has the talent as we see from his NCAA passing records. Now can he put it all together and work with a less than steller wide receiving corps (let's be honest it's not scaring anyone right now)? I think so.
"My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush." Well, I'd be willing to bet that Bruce Irvin and Chris Clemmons do own an Oral-B product, but they sure are ornery. I fully expect them to channel that energy into mauling John Skelton, particularly due to the injury-riddled nature of Arizona's offensive line.
"He poked me in the eye! Captain Insano shows no mercy." Browner, Chancellor, Thomas, and Sherman, I'm talking to you. Show no mercy. Yes, I know Larry Fitzgerald's a big guy. But you guys hit harder. I want your numbers permanently imprinted on the chests of those receivers. I want to see some alligator arms on those guys as they drop passes when they start to hear footsteps.
"The waterboy just needed some water! Wow Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself? Shut up, Brent." So, it's an opening weekend divisional game within the NFC West. Any guesses as to who Fox is blessing us with to announce the game? Ok, don't hurt yourself. The brilliance of Sam Rosen and Heath Evans will be calling the action from the Big Toaster. Yikes. If there was ever a day to turn off the sound on the TV and turn on Steve & Warren, this would be it. The only entertainment might be a drinking game where you drink every time one of those two mispronounces a Seahawks name. But I don't want to be accused of sending people to work on Monday with a hangover.
"Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack." Was that Lawrence Taylor or Marshawn Lynch? The more I listen to Marshawn, the more entertained I am by his ramblings. The only problem is he's got a back of an 80 year old. Marshawn, we need you in there on Sunday. We don't need a repeat of the Cleveland game from last year. Someone get a chiropractor over to the VMAC, stat.
"I don't want that loser on the team. Everybody's gonna laugh at us." Thankfully Pom Pom Pete and his Pint Sized Pal saw through the T.O. garbage before it could cause anymore damage. This team feels like it gets along and there aren't any big locker room problems right now. Chemistry is such an important part of football that you can't have marginal players sticking around if they're not going to contribute.
"Let's kick some names and take some ass." Yeah, what he said. C'mon Hawks. Go down to the desert and bring home a win. Earn the accolades that Bill Simmons so graciously bestowed upon you today. Create that spark that the 12th Man will turn into a full fledged fire next Sunday against the Cowboys.
Seahawks 24, Arizona 10