Speaking of fun, we go back to the well of Leslie Nielsen classics for our preview this week. Let's see how Ted Stryker, Roger Murdock, and Captain Oveur feel about the Giants through the lens of Airplane!
"Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question... skip that." Now the Giants make their way across the country to the one place where they might prefer the iron boot to the head. Of course as we all remember, the Giants were the opponent in the now infamous Golden Horseshoe Game from 2005. Unfortunately for Giants fans, this team is a shell of what that 2005 was. At least Tom Coughlin wised up enough not to suggest the Hawks still pump in crowd noise this week.
"Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts? No." Eli, you're a member of this crew. Time to face some unpleasant facts. This Giant offense is the very definition of average. 16th in rushing, 16th in passing. If only the defense could be so average. 28th in passing and 22nd in rushing results in things like the 40-24 drubbing the Colts gave you on Monday night. On the plus side, you haven't been nearly as benevolent to opposing defenses with your interceptions. I had to double-check when I saw that you've only thrown 5 INT's this year. After 27 picks last year (including 5 to The Legion of Boom), that gives Giants fans the false hope that you might be halfway decent again.
"Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes." Russell, listen, playing quarterback is no different than riding a bicycle. Unfortunately the last few weeks it looks like you've had a stick stuck into your spokes. I realize that this offensive line has been, let's say, substandard. I realize when you lose someone like Percy Harvin it results in your remaining receivers being covered more closely. But that doesn't explain the overthrows and just plain mis-throws we were seeing last week against a terrible Oakland team. Take a deep breath. Trust your reads. Demand the best of your receivers and they'll deliver.
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop taking amphetamines. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue." I used to have on the DVR the "Game of the Week" that the NFL Network used to do of the 2005 game against the Giants. They kept showing this small group of Giants fans through the ups and downs of that game. This one poor sap in particular was my favorite. He had an Eli Manning jersey and an Oregon hat on so he was already losing at life. After each Jay Feely field goal miss, they'd cut over to him and it looked like you had either just kicked his dog, punched him in the stomach, or tweezed his unibrow. You could just see his mind turning with things like "I picked the wrong week to stop drinking". With this Giants team this year and what's going to happen on Sunday, I guarantee you he didn't stop sniffing glue.
"Where did you get that dress, it's awful, and those shoes and that coat, jeeeeez!" Hey lay off, my rain gear choices aren't nearly as fashionable as the rest of my wardrobe. Ok, maybe they're pretty much the same. Be sure to get out the Gore-Tex for Sunday as it sounds like it might be just a little wet. Thankfully, with 1,000 square feet of canopy space, the tailgate will be there to help keep you dry.
"Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?" I'll go out on a limb and say Eli and his crew will prefer a Turkish prison to what they'll be subject to on Sunday afternoon. Either way, he'll probably still look like this...
Seahawks 34, Giants 13