Now the circus comes to town. The Jets and all their baggage get on the plane to come out to the west coast. As has been happening with surprising frequency this year, we've got yet another quarterback who has never faced the wrath of the 12th Man. And I think we all know how that usually turns out. Let's look into the crystal ball through the genius of John Hughes' classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.": Ok, so that might apply to that guy too. It also might have applied to a good chunk of my section last week as we saw the Hawks defense yet again have a sub-par week, particularly when compared to the first 7 weeks of the season. Thankfully there's no Adrian Peterson this week.
"Come here doggy! Look what Uncle Ed's got for you, you little f*cker!": Come here Mark Sanchez. Look what old Coach Pete has for you. It's a treat of Chris Clemmons and Bruce Irvin driving your pretty boy face into the Seahawks Stadium turf. Oh, and look over here, it's the 12th Man making it impossible for you to hear yourself think. That cougar Eva Longoria can't help you now.
"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.": You wonder if America's most overrated coach (according to a survey of current players this week) ever has that thought running through his mind when he thinks of his 2 quarterbacks. Then again, if he's thinking about cheese, I just have this feeling it's toe cheese given his well-publicized foot fetish. Ok, now that you've lost your breakfast, I digress. At times you do have to feel for ol' Rex since he's got so little talent on offense and has to keep up appearances so the gullible New Yorkers will still buy tickets. Then again, with the adoration given to him by the 4-letter network that's on par with a teenage girl's love of Bieber, maybe he's getting his just desserts.
"I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him. Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... It's true.": After he's done obsessing over feet, you know Rex Ryan's thinking this exact thing about Tim Tebow. You know he didn't want him. You know he just got run over by an owner who wanted to sell tickets and have his team mentioned every 5 minutes on ESPN. Then he went and put his foot in his mouth (heh heh) and said Tebow was going to be used quite a bit. So far this season....crickets. There's always a possibility we see more of the former Gator at Seahawks Stadium this week, but I doubt it. He can't throw accurately. His running ability should be negated by the Hawks defense. Probably best to just leave him holding the clipboard and texting his new girlfriend.
"Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of sh*t. I have to envy yours.": I wonder if that's what Rex thinks when he looks at his receiving corps compared to what ol' Pom Pom Pete will trot out there on Sunday. Jason Hill, Stephen, Hill, Jeremy Kerley, and Chaz Chilens try and keep Santonio Holmes from being quadruple-teamed each week. I'd say that's a Big East-esque receiving corps, but that's an insult to the Big East. I guess there's a reason that they're 26th in the league in passing yards. At least the Seahawks have an excuse for being that low. We have a good running game.
"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.": Then on the other side of the field, we have Russell Wilson. The last 2 home games have given this commentator some very positive feelings for what this kid could become. He's the best deep-ball thrower I think we've had here ever. He is not the run-at-the-first-sign-of-trouble quarterback that so many rookies with running ability are. He's been better about taking what the defense gives him and not forcing things. Plus, I think this team is really accepting him as their leader and that's going to be important for our playoff push.
"It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.": Time for the yearly plea to the Seahawks offensive coordinator. Can we please throw an occasional screen pass??!! Between Golden Tate and Leon Washington, you've got a couple playmakers who could do something with the ball. So set the trap. Let the defense get upfield. Then have Russell ever so slightly dump the ball over them into the waiting arms of Leon and watch him go for 15 yards.
"Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.": New York Jets, the game is up. Your ass belongs to the Seahawks and their 12th Man cohorts. As a wise scribe on the radio this week said, you have to be prepared in a completely different way to play the Seahawks at home. I say, physically, yes, since this team has a physical nature not seen in years around here. But also mentally because that noise will wear you down. And let's think about what the Jets have been through. A thorough drubbing in Miami last week. A hurricane and snowstorm blowing through their town in the span of 2 weeks. Now having to fly all the way out here to south Alaska and play in the cold. Sorry, don't see it happening.
"Excuse me: if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a *scorching* case of herpes.": Who would have thought a movie made in 1986 could still be relevant today when talking about Jets fans? Huh.