Ok, I need some help here. When was the last time you watched the Hawks go on the road and it didn't take years off your life? How refreshing was it to watch that game in Toronto last week and have absolutely zero concern that something bad was going to happen? The only travesty was that Psy did his Gangnam Style at halftime as opposed to a live version of Douchebag Harbaugh Style.
Well, as exciting as it was to watch that display in Buffalo, it was almost as disappointing to watch that disaster in Foxborough on Sunday night. Tom Brady and his Patriots have been undefeated at home in December for something like the last 25 years. The one time we actually need him to win, they crapped the bed like they had overloaded on Taco Bell the night before. While technically the division is still undecided, if we can't count on New England to win at home, what are the chances the Cardinals can win at America's Crappiest Stadium next week? Yeah, right up there with the Sea Gals being my Christmas present.
Well, as exciting as it was to watch that display in Buffalo, it was almost as disappointing to watch that disaster in Foxborough on Sunday night. Tom Brady and his Patriots have been undefeated at home in December for something like the last 25 years. The one time we actually need him to win, they crapped the bed like they had overloaded on Taco Bell the night before. While technically the division is still undecided, if we can't count on New England to win at home, what are the chances the Cardinals can win at America's Crappiest Stadium next week? Yeah, right up there with the Sea Gals being my Christmas present.
So, the dulcet tones of Al Michaels will be on full display at Seahawks Stadium on Sunday night. The nation will get to see Russell Wilson on full display as he makes a late push for rookie of the year. Jim Harbaugh and the traveling circus known as the 49er quarterback controversy make their way up the coast. The Harbaugh-Carroll rivalry is renewed. If there was ever a game where both coaches would love to run the score up on the other, we'll have a front row seat on Sunday. Speaking of Sunday, as it turns out, apparently the NFL won't have games on Christmas Day, but they will have them on Festivus. Let's preview the game through the Costanza family tradition.
"The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna to hear about it!": The national media has most definitely had its airing of grievances with the Hawks the past couple weeks. The whiny Herm Edwards and the blowhard Tony Kornheiser have taken it upon themselves to give the Seahawks a good finger-wagging. It wasn't nice of us to put in the backups against Arizona and then have the gall to actually use the forward pass on 3rd down. It was really mean of us to run a fake punt against a formation made to be exploited. Heaven forbid we'd give our future opponents one more thing to think about! Ultimately, as Bobby Bowden put it, "it's not my job to stop my offense, it's your job to stop my offense". Interestingly, when the Patriots were doing this in 2007, all we heard from ESPN were crickets.
"No, please! Denim vest! He's smoothing it Jerry!": The mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, denim vest-wearing Niner fans also make their yearly trip up the coast. Rest assured, should you run into any of this human sewage, they will remind you of how many titles they've won. Ask them who was their coach the last time they won one. When they get that blank stare on their face like they're contemplating nuclear physics, give 'em a SEAHAWKS!!! and be on your way.
"His father hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas, so he made up his own holiday. Ohhhh.. and another piece of the puzzle falls into place.": You wonder if the Harbaugh father did this even before Frank Costanza came up with it. It would explain so much about Jim. Don't know if any of you caught Ian & Puckett's show the other day, but Harbaugh literally said the phrase "ropin' and ridin'" at least 6 times over the span of 45 seconds while discussing whether or not Justin Smith will play this week. What is in that Sharpie that causes this verbal diarhhea?
"You make a lot of man friends. You know who's a man? Charlie here, he's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man.": Russell Wilson, you sir are making a lot of man friends in this area. You've given defenses even more to game plan for with this recent propensity to tuck the ball and run. I know you want to make amends for that sub-par performance at Candlestick in October. The 12th Man will do their part to make that happen.
"Hey, I was in a shvitz for 6 hours. Give me a break.": Excuses will get you nowhere Kaepernick. Oh 12th Man, your attention please! We have yet another unsuspecting quarterback who has yet to feel your wrath. You know what we do with those people, don't you? We cause them great pain and panic. Taking multiple timeouts when they can't get their audibles called. Causing multiple false starts when they forget what the silent count was. Ultimately, I want the Niner beat reporter to go over to Colin at the end of the night and exclaim "Yama hama...it's fright night".
"Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe.. I lost my train of thought.": After years of this being absolutely true about Alex Smith, he actually starts to be a decent QB, and he finds himself where he should have been for years...warming the bench. Harbaugh obviously lost his train of thought when answering the QB question a few weeks back. "We're going to go with Colin....but we're going to go with Alex too". What the hell does that mean? The Seahawks need to fly in Frank Costanza, give him an aluminum pole, and have him at that corner seat on the visitors tunnel. As they run out, a stout whack will take care of a lot of problems.
"Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!": Until Pete finally beats Jim in the NFL, this isn't a true rivalry. In many ways, it's like the Oregon-UW rivalry. Yeah, we don't like each other, but there's been a clearly superior team over the last number of games, so it's not a full-fledged rivalry. Pom-Pom, it's time to end this little run that Harbaugh's had. It's Sunday Night Football. A playoff spot is on the line. The 12th Man will be well lubricated and in full throat. Time to lead the Fighting Blue Jackals to victory.
Seahawks 28, 49ers 20
"The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna to hear about it!": The national media has most definitely had its airing of grievances with the Hawks the past couple weeks. The whiny Herm Edwards and the blowhard Tony Kornheiser have taken it upon themselves to give the Seahawks a good finger-wagging. It wasn't nice of us to put in the backups against Arizona and then have the gall to actually use the forward pass on 3rd down. It was really mean of us to run a fake punt against a formation made to be exploited. Heaven forbid we'd give our future opponents one more thing to think about! Ultimately, as Bobby Bowden put it, "it's not my job to stop my offense, it's your job to stop my offense". Interestingly, when the Patriots were doing this in 2007, all we heard from ESPN were crickets.
"No, please! Denim vest! He's smoothing it Jerry!": The mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, denim vest-wearing Niner fans also make their yearly trip up the coast. Rest assured, should you run into any of this human sewage, they will remind you of how many titles they've won. Ask them who was their coach the last time they won one. When they get that blank stare on their face like they're contemplating nuclear physics, give 'em a SEAHAWKS!!! and be on your way.
"His father hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas, so he made up his own holiday. Ohhhh.. and another piece of the puzzle falls into place.": You wonder if the Harbaugh father did this even before Frank Costanza came up with it. It would explain so much about Jim. Don't know if any of you caught Ian & Puckett's show the other day, but Harbaugh literally said the phrase "ropin' and ridin'" at least 6 times over the span of 45 seconds while discussing whether or not Justin Smith will play this week. What is in that Sharpie that causes this verbal diarhhea?
"You make a lot of man friends. You know who's a man? Charlie here, he's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man.": Russell Wilson, you sir are making a lot of man friends in this area. You've given defenses even more to game plan for with this recent propensity to tuck the ball and run. I know you want to make amends for that sub-par performance at Candlestick in October. The 12th Man will do their part to make that happen.
"Hey, I was in a shvitz for 6 hours. Give me a break.": Excuses will get you nowhere Kaepernick. Oh 12th Man, your attention please! We have yet another unsuspecting quarterback who has yet to feel your wrath. You know what we do with those people, don't you? We cause them great pain and panic. Taking multiple timeouts when they can't get their audibles called. Causing multiple false starts when they forget what the silent count was. Ultimately, I want the Niner beat reporter to go over to Colin at the end of the night and exclaim "Yama hama...it's fright night".
"Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe.. I lost my train of thought.": After years of this being absolutely true about Alex Smith, he actually starts to be a decent QB, and he finds himself where he should have been for years...warming the bench. Harbaugh obviously lost his train of thought when answering the QB question a few weeks back. "We're going to go with Colin....but we're going to go with Alex too". What the hell does that mean? The Seahawks need to fly in Frank Costanza, give him an aluminum pole, and have him at that corner seat on the visitors tunnel. As they run out, a stout whack will take care of a lot of problems.
"Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!": Until Pete finally beats Jim in the NFL, this isn't a true rivalry. In many ways, it's like the Oregon-UW rivalry. Yeah, we don't like each other, but there's been a clearly superior team over the last number of games, so it's not a full-fledged rivalry. Pom-Pom, it's time to end this little run that Harbaugh's had. It's Sunday Night Football. A playoff spot is on the line. The 12th Man will be well lubricated and in full throat. Time to lead the Fighting Blue Jackals to victory.
Seahawks 28, 49ers 20
