Now, our beloved Birds of Renton make their way to San Diego for their first road game of the year. You knew this movie would be used. Really, there's no other movie that could be used for a game against the Chargers. Let's see what Ron Burgundy's thinking concerning this Sunday's matchup.
"Sweet Grandmother's Spatula! Great Odin's Raven! Uncle Jonathan's Corncob Pipe!" Contrary to popular opinion, those were not quotes from the movie, but exclamations from yours truly when I was looking to book flights for this game. A certain hometown airline that has a certain quarterback as its Chief Football Officer is apparently looking to make all of its 2014 profits based on this one weekend's worth of flights. When the schedule came out in April, I almost instantaneously looked at flights for this weekend. In between the time I initially looked at it, and confirmed plans with friends in San Diego later that week, the roundtrip price went from $225 to $650 if you had the gall to actually want a nonstop flight. The fact that almost all nonstop flights are now sold out for the entire weekend tells me the wave of 12's coming down the coast is unlike anything we've seen before. Did you see the Niners-Cowboys game on Sunday? I'm expecting Hawks fans to rival the percentage of Niner fans that were in Jerry Jones Stadium that afternoon.
"It's so damn hot....milk was a bad choice" The one advantage the Chargers will have this weekend? The 12th Man may very well melt on their way into the stadium on Sunday, rendering them useless. Depending on the weather website or app you look at, it'll be between 94 and 102 degrees at kickoff on Sunday. We don't know how to deal with those kinds of conditions. Wind? Rain? Snow? We're seasoned veterans at prepping for that kind of weather. But heat with a wind that will feel like it's coming out the back of a jet engine? There's our kryptonite. I guess it means we'll actually have to hydrate and that doesn't mean by using Coors Light.
"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..." Well, we still have to have a little bit of fun, don't we? The Hawkstrong traveling circus will be in town. Some of us (well, me) are flying down while others of us (Geoff & Kevin) are loading up the family truckster and driving down that holiday road to San Diego. They're hauling the goods to be able to put together a Seahawk-worthy tailgate. Granted, it won't be at the level of what we normally do at home in Hawk Alley, but it'll still be better than about 95% of what any of those Chargers fans will put together.
"This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You got knocked up." The Hawks take on the bolo-tie-wearing, father of 14 kids (or something like that), Phillip Rivers Sunday. Did any of you catch the game on Monday night against the Cardinals? It was good to know that Rivers' ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory is already in mid-season form. Like his contemporary Tony Romo, Rivers has shown that he can be briliiant at times, but you know the soul-crushing mistake is right around the corner.
"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal." See, even when stating the truth, Russell Wilson tries to be humble. We saw something last week that impressed me quite a bit. Mediocre quarterbacks zero in on one receiver and if he's covered, he falls apart. Good quarterbacks spread the ball around to their second and third receivers to keep the defense honest. Great quarterbacks throw touchdown passes to Ricardo Lockette and Derrick Coleman. Russell has entered greatness, not solely because of that massive ring on his hand, but because of his ability to literally use every weapon at his disposal to confuse and confound the defense.
"I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!" With the increased emphasis on illegal contact and hands to the face, the Legion of Boom is going to have to get creative in their quest to contain Ryan Mathews and Keenan Allen. Wait, what am I saying? This is a group that's learned how to all but shut down every elite running and receiving corps the last couple years. I don't think the intimidiating tandem of Mathews and Allen quite gets to that level. ESPN has Keenan Allen getting 11 fantasy points this week after putting up an impressive 3 points against Arizona last week. Really? A 267% increase against the likes of Richard Sherman? There's a reason those people work on fantasy football predictions and not on the lines in Vegas where they could actually make money with that obvious vast knowledge.
"This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!" Sorry about that. The Seahawks tend not to be the greatest houseguests when they come into town.
Seahawks 30, Chargers 13