Like Bill Simmons, I’ve been suspended for the last 3 weeks and have been unable to write columns. Well, maybe that’s not exactly true. It’s probably more along the lines of being in Leavenworth for Oktoberfest and having website issues, but it’s more fun to think that Geoff & Kevin would suspend me.
Our beloved Seahawks make their return to the friendly confines of CenturyLink Field after a triumphant win over the Redskins on Monday night. Although to listen to sports radio and read message boards the last few days, you would have thought our season was doomed after a 10-point win on the road. As George told Jerry after he complained that his girlfriend was naked too often, “you spoiled, spoiled man”. Have our memories really gotten that short? It wasn’t that many years ago that we would have given vast sums of money for this team to be able to go on the road (particularly to the east coast) and get any kind of win. I certainly understand that one of the few burdens of winning a title is having expectations raised to achingly high levels, but let’s take a deep breath and heed the words of Aaron Rodgers. R-E-L-A-X.
But I digress. I thought this week we’d go back to an oldie-but-a-goody and preview the game through the trials and triumphs of Lieutenant Frank Drebin and Naked Gun.
“It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day. Goodyear? No, the worst.”
I think that was about Frank and an old girlfriend, but it could easily be the collective memory loss of the 12th Man. This team had plenty of wins last year that were akin to what we saw in Washington on Monday night. Do we remember the Golden Horseshoe game in St. Louis? How about spotting a winless Tampa Bay team 21 points in our own home? Go back and look at that win against Tennessee. That was embarrassingly close as well. Point being, this team will have games like that but they have the talent to win them as opposed to 5 years ago. Not every game is going to be the New Orleans game on Monday night or the Super Bowl. No need to declare the season over with after a sloppy win.
Our beloved Seahawks make their return to the friendly confines of CenturyLink Field after a triumphant win over the Redskins on Monday night. Although to listen to sports radio and read message boards the last few days, you would have thought our season was doomed after a 10-point win on the road. As George told Jerry after he complained that his girlfriend was naked too often, “you spoiled, spoiled man”. Have our memories really gotten that short? It wasn’t that many years ago that we would have given vast sums of money for this team to be able to go on the road (particularly to the east coast) and get any kind of win. I certainly understand that one of the few burdens of winning a title is having expectations raised to achingly high levels, but let’s take a deep breath and heed the words of Aaron Rodgers. R-E-L-A-X.
But I digress. I thought this week we’d go back to an oldie-but-a-goody and preview the game through the trials and triumphs of Lieutenant Frank Drebin and Naked Gun.
“It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day. Goodyear? No, the worst.”
I think that was about Frank and an old girlfriend, but it could easily be the collective memory loss of the 12th Man. This team had plenty of wins last year that were akin to what we saw in Washington on Monday night. Do we remember the Golden Horseshoe game in St. Louis? How about spotting a winless Tampa Bay team 21 points in our own home? Go back and look at that win against Tennessee. That was embarrassingly close as well. Point being, this team will have games like that but they have the talent to win them as opposed to 5 years ago. Not every game is going to be the New Orleans game on Monday night or the Super Bowl. No need to declare the season over with after a sloppy win.
“Ya dumb broad! All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.”
So, a Facebook friend of mine (aka someone I haven’t seen in about 15 years) puts a request out earlier this week. He’s asking for another friend of his if anyone has tickets they’d be willing to sell for Sunday’s game. Not an uncommon request. He goes on to add that this other friend is a Cowboys fan and is looking for tickets that aren’t that much over face value. Oh, by all means! Forward me his phone number immediately! I always enjoy selling tickets to opposing teams’ fans and getting 50% less of what I could sell them for to actual Seahawks fans. Extend my arm. Extend my middle finger. Well done.
“Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!”
Hey look, it’s Tony Romo! Both Tony and Enrico have been impersonating other talented craftsmen. Romo somehow has managed to guide his Cowgirls to a 4-1 record. Oh wait, I think I meant that to say DeMarco Murray has guided his Cowgirls to a 4-1 record. You put the onus back on Romo to actually win you a game, and they’re probably 2-3 at this point. Hmmm…is it possible the best run defense in the NFL could do that? Let’s come back to that later.
“Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?”
With the emphasis placed on Murray in the Cowboys offense thus far, there’s a very real chance his arm will fall off. He’s on pace for over 400 carries and to break Eric Dickerson’s single-season rushing record. With his penchant for injury and fumbling, it looks like the Cowboys are going to milk him for all he’s worth until he breaks down in Week 9.
“Frank, they're not here for you. "Weird Al" Yankovic is on the plane.”
Romo, nobody’s here for you anymore, Russell Wilson has vaulted over you. How about the performance we saw from #3 on Monday night? Taking full advantage of the fact the Redskins wouldn’t play zone defense, he carved them up with his running ability. If they sent the house on a blitz, he’d roll out and ultimately find Marshawn for a first down. When you gave him a second or two in the pocket, he finds a wide open Jermaine Kearse for a touchdown. The growth and maturity we’ve seen so far from Russell this year has been a lot of fun to watch.
“I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.”
Jon Ryan, this town has fallen in love with you. It’s one thing to just bomb 70+ yard punts like you did against Denver a couple weeks ago. It’s another thing when you drop the nose of the ball and bury it at the 5 yard line with the use of your sand wedge-like foot. But it takes a special kind of guy to bust through that line on a fake field goal and then, on the way home, tweet out pictures of your in-flight menu that was obviously substandard to what Delta had offered the Orioles just a day earlier. That’s gold right there.
“It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.”
It’s also true that the Cowboys and CenturyLink Field don’t mix. The ‘Boys have lost their last 3 games in Seattle, including the infamous Tony Romo fumble game in the playoffs. The hope of course is that this game is laid at the feet of Romo once again, seeing as how he has quite the proclivity to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory when given the opportunity. The best way the Seahawks can do that is to stop the running game early, have the offense put some points on the board, and wait for Romo to throw it into the waiting arms of The Legion of Boom.
“Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50/50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.”
And that’s about the same odds the bookmakers in Vegas are giving the Cowboys, where most have the Seahawks by at least 8.
Seahawks 31, Cowboys 17
- Mark @HawksFN
So, a Facebook friend of mine (aka someone I haven’t seen in about 15 years) puts a request out earlier this week. He’s asking for another friend of his if anyone has tickets they’d be willing to sell for Sunday’s game. Not an uncommon request. He goes on to add that this other friend is a Cowboys fan and is looking for tickets that aren’t that much over face value. Oh, by all means! Forward me his phone number immediately! I always enjoy selling tickets to opposing teams’ fans and getting 50% less of what I could sell them for to actual Seahawks fans. Extend my arm. Extend my middle finger. Well done.
“Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!”
Hey look, it’s Tony Romo! Both Tony and Enrico have been impersonating other talented craftsmen. Romo somehow has managed to guide his Cowgirls to a 4-1 record. Oh wait, I think I meant that to say DeMarco Murray has guided his Cowgirls to a 4-1 record. You put the onus back on Romo to actually win you a game, and they’re probably 2-3 at this point. Hmmm…is it possible the best run defense in the NFL could do that? Let’s come back to that later.
“Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?”
With the emphasis placed on Murray in the Cowboys offense thus far, there’s a very real chance his arm will fall off. He’s on pace for over 400 carries and to break Eric Dickerson’s single-season rushing record. With his penchant for injury and fumbling, it looks like the Cowboys are going to milk him for all he’s worth until he breaks down in Week 9.
“Frank, they're not here for you. "Weird Al" Yankovic is on the plane.”
Romo, nobody’s here for you anymore, Russell Wilson has vaulted over you. How about the performance we saw from #3 on Monday night? Taking full advantage of the fact the Redskins wouldn’t play zone defense, he carved them up with his running ability. If they sent the house on a blitz, he’d roll out and ultimately find Marshawn for a first down. When you gave him a second or two in the pocket, he finds a wide open Jermaine Kearse for a touchdown. The growth and maturity we’ve seen so far from Russell this year has been a lot of fun to watch.
“I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.”
Jon Ryan, this town has fallen in love with you. It’s one thing to just bomb 70+ yard punts like you did against Denver a couple weeks ago. It’s another thing when you drop the nose of the ball and bury it at the 5 yard line with the use of your sand wedge-like foot. But it takes a special kind of guy to bust through that line on a fake field goal and then, on the way home, tweet out pictures of your in-flight menu that was obviously substandard to what Delta had offered the Orioles just a day earlier. That’s gold right there.
“It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.”
It’s also true that the Cowboys and CenturyLink Field don’t mix. The ‘Boys have lost their last 3 games in Seattle, including the infamous Tony Romo fumble game in the playoffs. The hope of course is that this game is laid at the feet of Romo once again, seeing as how he has quite the proclivity to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory when given the opportunity. The best way the Seahawks can do that is to stop the running game early, have the offense put some points on the board, and wait for Romo to throw it into the waiting arms of The Legion of Boom.
“Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50/50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.”
And that’s about the same odds the bookmakers in Vegas are giving the Cowboys, where most have the Seahawks by at least 8.
Seahawks 31, Cowboys 17
- Mark @HawksFN
