But I digress. The 12's, and particularly the 12's Since '12 (copyright Seattle Sportsnet) are in full-blown panic mode. You can actually hear the hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth this week. While I certainly understand the anxiety that goes with how this team is playing, it's time to take a deep breath and remind ourselves it is a long season, things can turn around on a dime, and there have been many Super Bowl winning teams that you would have left for dead in October. So, let's see if we can't chuckle a little bit and preview this week's game through the shenanigans of Bushwood Country Club and Caddyshack...
"How about a Fresca?" Sorry Judge, the 12th Man is in need of something a little stronger than a Fresca to deal with what they've been watching lately. Throw some vodka in that Fresca and that would at least be a start. The offense, apart from the 2nd half in St. Louis, is sputtering and that's being kind. The defense is very ordinary, largely due to lack of depth and their inability to produce turnovers at last year's pace. Now there seems to be dissension in the ranks of the locker room. Pretty soon our pets heads will be falling off. So yeah, something a little stronger than Fresca needed right now.
"You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink." So, with hopes of getting the season back on track, the Seahawks head to Charlotte where they'll be greeted by approximately 25 Panthers fans on Sunday. That's what happens when you build your stadium by selling PSL's and then can't string together consecutive winning seasons in your 20 year history. Normally, I'd be encouraged by that since it would allow the offense to operate without much crowd noise which is rare on the road. But, with the offensive performances thus far on the road this year in relatively quiet stadiums, I'm not sure it makes much difference right now.
"You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body." The one bright spot right now? Russell Wilson. While not exactly drawn up in the meeting rooms this way, Russell became the only quarterback in history to throw for 300 yards and rush for 100 yards in a game last week. Now, I don't mind him throwing for 300 yards on a weekly basis, but I would much prefer the 100 rushing yards to be coming from Marshawn, lest Russell take more hits which he could certainly do without after the beating he took on Sunday.
"Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it." Russell's counterpart on Sunday? The fake-smiling, goofy-eared, gimpy Cam Newton. You have to feel bad for Cam. Not only did he take a pay cut when he went to Carolina from Auburn, but then the GM gets rid of his entire receiving corps in the offseason. He's been fighting an ankle injury the last number of weeks, which I'm hoping would get the defense to start licking their lips in anticipation of raising their sack totals.
"I'm going to put it right on the line. There's been a lot of complaints already. Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying. If you guys want to get fired. If you want to be replaced by golf carts, just keep it up." A few weeks back, we discussed the number of penalties this team was racking up and how it hadn't been losing them games so let's dial back on the hysteria about it. Well, time to dial that hysteria back up now. It's not necessarily the number of penalties, although that's still way too high. It's the kind of penalties and the timing of them that's really beginning to manifest itself into losing the Hawks some games. The false start/offsides penalties in particular are just a lack of discipline that's putting the offense in a hole that they've had trouble digging out of and it's putting the defense in positions where they can't get off the field. If the Hawks just clean those up, that will make a huge difference.
"He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think." While we're not quite at the point of desperation where we are hitting 2 irons into greens that are 455 yards away, it's pretty close. Yes, losing this game and being 3-4 does not disqualify you from the playoffs. But it does remove just about all room for error if you want to get into the playoffs. This team still has to go to Santa Clara, Arizona, and Philadelphia. 5 of the last 6 games are against divisional opponents. Unless something turns around pretty quickly, winning all of those games seems highly unlikely and if you're not multiple games above .500 going into that stretch, you have to run the table and that's just not happening.
"You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?" Then again...are we really thinking we're losing to this guy?
Seahawks 28, Panthers 20