In the spirit of Halloween, it's the Purple People Eaters making their way out to Seahawks Stadium this week. If there were ever 2 cities that were friends, it's Seattle and Minneapolis. We even have an unofficial Tourist Exchange Program. Don't bellieve me? Ask 5 people in downtown Seattle where they're originally from and I guarantee you at least 1 will be from Minnesota. There's a reason 3 airlines run a total of 13 nonstop flights a day in the summer between the 2 ciities. We even had one time at Leavenworth Oktoberfest where one in our group was playing bouncer at Uncle Uli's and after asking the guy for ID, said his WA drivers license wasn't good enough and did he have a Minnesota ID? Naturally, he did.
But I digress. Let's take a look at Sunday's game through the eyes of Napoleon, Kip, and Uncle Rico as they toil in rural Idaho.
"Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. Are you serious? I'm dead serious.": The ghosts of Sean Salisbury, Warren Moon, and Chris Chandler invade Seahawks Stadium this weekend. Well, maybe not the ghost of Warren Moon since he'll be in the Hawks radio booth. And the ghost of Sean Salisbury will probably still send you pictures of his penis. And back in '82, Russell Wilson was but a glimmer in his mother's eye. But, as we've seen a few times before, he might be able to throw the ball a quarter mile. It might be needed this week with the stout Viking run defense.
"At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?": Oh Seahawk secondary, are we listening? Percy Harvin's a comin' to town and you're going to need each other's back in order to shut him down. Your ability to have each other's backs has been lacking the last couple weeks but I've got a sneaking suspicion coming home to the 12th Man might just change that.
"Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore.": Ok, show of hands, who would be surprised if Richard Sherman had a pair of numchucks in his locker? My hand stayed down. Time to bust those out big man and make people feel the pain.
"They're pretty good, except for one little problem. That little guy right there. He is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four.": As much as it pains me to say, that one's for you Marcus Trufant. Where have the biggest problems been lately? Over the middle. Who's been the biggest pain the side of the defense lately? The opponents' slot receiver. Who covers the slot receiver usually over the middle? Marcus Trufant. Marcus, buddy, time to show that you belong as one of the 4 nipples.
"Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!": Normally, I'd make the Red Bryant joke here, but I love Red Bryant. However, the boys up front best eat their dinner this week. Minnesota's coming right up your gut. They're not going to be fancy about it either. This will be a game of gap integrity and it's on you guys to make sure that happens.
"Look, Pedro, I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? Smashing in the face of a pinata that resembles Summer Wheatley is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State.": Would it surprise anybody if a pinata of Jared Allen showed up in the Seahawk locker room this week? Would it surprise anyone if it was hung up there by our resident O-line thug Bruno Giacomini? Personally, I wouldn't mind taking a few swings at that pinata after some of the less than flattering things uttered by Allen on the media conference calls this week.
"Bow to your sen-sei. [Kip bows slightly] Bow to your sen-sei!!!": Ok Vikings, time to bow. Time to show the proper respect to the Hawks and the 12th Man that sustain them. Know that you will be humbled and sent back to the land of 10,000 lakes a defeated and depressed bunch. Know, that just like Kip, you'll be sufficiently bitch-slapped by the Hawks defense.
Seahawks 30, Vikings 13